


The Truths and Secrets

by Ilovedogzandpie



Category: Star Wars: Resistance (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Atheist Character, Blood and Injury, F/F, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Gambling, Kaz is going through a lot, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-War, Prison, Rating May Change, They Have Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24902911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilovedogzandpie/pseuds/Ilovedogzandpie
Summary: After the battle of Exegol ace squadron has been involved in clean up, finding and arresting loyalist form the across the galaxy so they can face justice from the Reformed United Republic, or RUR. Kazuda has never felt this included and this wanted in his life, he has a family and a loving boyfriend. but just as things seem brighter and better it comes crushing down on top of him. His father has been arrested for treason and he goes to see him to ask him for the truth
Relationships: Hamato Xiono/Original Character(s), Imanuel Doza/Venisa Doza, Imanuel Doza/Venisa Doza/Jarek Yeager, Kazuda Xiono & Hamato Xiono, Neeku Vozo/Kazuda Xiono, Tamara Ryvora/Synara San
Comments: 15
Kudos: 11





	1. The blissful start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle of Exegol ace squadron has been involved in clean up, finding and arresting loyalist form the across the galaxy so they can face justice from the Reformed United Republic, or RUR. Kazuda has never felt this included and this wanted in his life, he has a family and a loving boyfriend. but just as things seem brighter and better it comes crushing down on top of him. His father has been arrested for treason and he goes to see him to ask him for the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after the battle of Exegol, this story is also told in flash backs to clear up confusion. 
> 
> also the RUR is something i made up for this Fic there isn't anything official about it.

Now..

It was probably the cleanest place Kazuda had been in a while. Even the med clinic on the colossus wasn't this clean and for a quick moment he wondered if that was a bad thing or something he should be worried about. The guard stopped and kaz almost ran into him. they stud in front of a machine that kaz could guess would check to see if he was careieng weapons, explosives, poisons, or anything that would be used in hurt a prisoner, help a prisoner escape, or hurt a prison guard. Kazuda found the idea stupid, why would he hurt his father? Then that thought was gone, Luke Skywalker killed his father, would kazuda want to do the same to his father? Kazuda had felt the world fall on him a second time when he found out what his family was doing. The guard waved kazuda through and he did, the machine didn't bleep or flash, and on the other side two guards told him to hold up his arms and they waved hand devises over him, double checking for the weapons, poisons, explosives, any thing that could be used to kill or help a prisoner to escape. Then a new thought accrued to kazuda, they might think that he'll help his father escape. That would be the more likely thing to happen, but that was also stupid. Kazuda was furious at his father. Hamato had asked him to be here, and he was going to see him. The guards pined a card chip to his jacket, around his heart and they held a bracelet thing for him on a tray and the most have seen the confused expression on his face.

"If he attacks you or things get hairy, or you just want to get out of there with out him knowing that you want to leave," the guard said, voice gravely, holding the bracelet showing a gem, " press that and you'll be out quicker then a tooka kit on fire."

"are you supposed to be watching in on us?" kazuda asked.

"familial and lawyer privilege, we can watch but not listening in on a meeting like this," they said softly, "we aren't like them."

Kazuda nodded and put the bracelet on, the other guard lead him to the door and waited there for a moment. Kazuda wandered for a moment, what "we aren't like them" made Kazuda feel unnerved. did they mean the empire, first order, or the centrists or what ever forth thing the galaxy found funny today? Kazuda wasn't sure he stepped through the first door, and waited for a moment as the door closed and the other door to open. What ever Kazuda was going to think next stopped. there at the table, dressed in white and yellow prison garb sat his father. despise looking less for wear, he was still straight backed and authoritarian as he ever had been. Kazuda felt like he had done something wrong and he was stepping into his fathers study for a scolding or punishment or both, even though it was the other why around this time. His father seemed to relax a bit as kazuda stepped into the room and the door closed behind him. 

A few months after Exegol..

Kaz forgot the name of this planet, but he knew why he was there. They where on the hunt, his squadron, the Aces, hunting down loyalist and bringing them to justice. At the moment a ship, it was limping away from them, they had shot its Shields and hyper-drive, now it was just fighting to stay alive and away from them. The loyalist where shooting at them. Yeager was over them.

"Remember, no death kills, they have to come in alive." Yeager said.

"That's kinda hard to do if they want us dead!." Hype yelled.

"Remember we are the best, just shoot the guns and we can rope them in." Yeager said.

"On it!" Torra said, speeding a head of them, "Freya with me!"

The two of them went a head, Griff and Bo fallowed and split away to draw the fire on them so Freya and Torra can make there runs. Yeager, Kaz, and Hype stayed behind. They had the cords ready and loaded, Kazuda even checked for like the 100th time. Watching the four of them what like watching graceful nectar birds taking turns drinking from one flower. Then in an small exploitation from Torra meant the gun was out. 

"Once I give the signal, you two rope them got it." Yeager said.

"Yes Yeager." Both hype and kaz said.

Yeager rushed ahead as the four fell back, his job was to hit the fuel pods. It might have everything gone, but it could still get away if the where go enough to try. But they weren't the best, the Aces were the best, this ship didn't know it yet. Yeager had two piercing hooks, just in case he missed, but Yeager rarely missed. And when Yeager was in range, he was at the ships tail end just shy of hugging it, he shot his hook once he felt he was in range. It hit the ship fuel pod and Yeager shot forward making the puncture into a tear as the cable tore into the ships metal body. The fuel gushed out like blood form an cut artery. The ship was done for, this was now the dangers part. Sometimes when faced with defeat the only way out was out, they couldn't let that happen. Yeager came flying back rejoining the front of there formation.

"Now!" He called.

Kaz and Hype rushed forward then apart, then they both shot there own speared hooks into either side of the ship. Kazuda flew up and around, hype flew down and around. Both avoiding eachother and they flew around the ship, twisting there cables around the ship a few times, before they both leveled out on there original sides. They where to stay like this until the ships fuel bleed out enough for the ship to die in air or they lead them. Then they just carry them along to the colossus. 

"Good work." Yeager said, over the coms," let's head home."

If the ship was bigger, they all would carry it along. But this ship was a light fright, so just the two of them where needed. They carried the ship out of atmosphere to where the colossus was waiting for them above the planet, just shy of atmosphere.

"Do you think Neeku is going to crash into Kaz again?" Hype said over the com.

"Depends," Torra said, "how long where we gone?"

"Oh a few hours." Griff said.

Kazuda rolled his eyes, "you all are just jealous that I'm with someone who's happy to see me."

"Some one has too." Freya said, that made everyone laugh, and that made Kazuda blush.

Yeager just let it happen, he wasn't laughing but Kazuda could imagine the grin on his face. They where getting along like a squadron was supposed too, and not like competitors they had once been. The hanger came into view, Kazuda and hype carried the ship to a low grade gravity well. Both cutting there cables and pulled away so they didn't get caught. The ship floated in space for a moment then the gravity well slowly pulled in the ship.

In the hanger was battle droids ready and aiming. Captain Doza, Synara, and Tam was waiting behind a bomb wall. Captain Doza was just the only one standing so he was to be seen. He held a microphone that was set for the hangers intercoms.

"I'm Captain Doza and this is my ship," he said, this was his one and only pleasantry, "you are now aboard my ship, you are wanted by the reformed United Republic, and with the power granted to me by them, I'm asking you to turn yourselves in so you can face fair judgement." He stopped for a moment then continued, "if you don't turn yourselves in, my droids will come in, you will then have a choice, peaceful surrender or death by the droids, your choose." 

Captain Doza the stud there for a moment that felt like hours to Tam, there had been a lot of violent surrenders she just hoped this wasn't one of them. Then after the life time, the door harshly opened and the fighters occupants stepped out. And tam felt the relief off her shoulders.

"On knees and limps up." Captain Doza called out.

And the loyalist did so, five humans, more then a light fright that size was recommend to carry as crew. Most of them around Doza's age, most of them probably remembered the Empire as a better time and the first order gave them the hope and promise of a better and safe times of there past. The rest where young and probably where told of the safe times before they where alive and hoped for stability, or even children of the elder humans. Tam knew those lies, she just felt bad for them. 

The droid,B-1, put cuffs on them, and once they where all cuffed he turned to Captain.

"The prisoners are arrested Commander Captain Doza." Said B-1 happily.

"Thank you B-1," Said Captain Doza, "take them to the cells, and if any of them needs medical care call the med droids."

"Yes Commander Captain Doza sir," B-1 said before standing, " alright stand up, you are going to the cells."

Doza watched the droids take them away, then he sent a signal to the command bridge and a few moments later the gravity well that pulled the ship in then quickly pushed the ship out. The last ship they pulled in had a bomb in it, and besides this ship didn't come in willingly so there was a chance the ship might explode form the bandage, even if it was targeted shots and careful aiming, the aces weren't a medical unit of surgeons.

Then he pulled out his com, "aces come aboard, prisoners secured." 

"Understood." Yeager said.

Neeku like he has been for the last few times came into the hanger breathing hard like he had run a marathon and won, because he had basically. He was on the bridge only a few moments ago.

"Neeku if you keep running here each time your going to health issues." Tam scolded him.

"But...Kaz..."Neeku said breathing.

"He's fine now, you don't want him to worry about you right?" Synara said.

What ever else anyone was about to say was cut off by the screaming of the Aces engines as they entered the hanger. And Neeku was ready for Kazuda to descend form the fire ball. The man was gone 4 hours, 35 minutes, and 24 seconds this time. Yes he was keeping time, it helped him relaxed when Kazuda was away. Ever since returning from the battle of Exegol injured Neeku had made himself a promise to stay by Kazuda's side. Once Kazuda had stepped down form his ship Neeku ran over and pulled the man into a tight hug and then they kissed.

"Stop, your love is disgusting." Said Bo. 

Neeku didn't say anything, he didn't think it was, but he did love Kazuda. And the nikto stayed by Kazuda's side holding his hand and they where debriefed. Neeku wasn't listening to Yeager's or captain Doza's speeches and talk of the next mission. This group was on the Reformed United Republic wanted list as a yellow tagged. Meaning they had been around since the fall of the Empire and where loyal to the first and final order by some default. But they weren't dangerous like Red tagged and didn't have any form of military training like one, meaning they where everyday people when the Empire fell. They just helped out with the subrogation of there world, and sloppy fought back. Neeku came back from his thoughts when he heard Yeager speaks his end of discussion tone.

"Once we transfer the prisoners we will go on our next mission." Yeager said.

"Thank you all for your hard work, Dismissed." Captain Doza said.

As the two where about to leave, captain Doza stopped them.

"Neeku have you finished cleaning up the communicates?" Captain doza asked.

"No sir," Neeku said, he couldn't lie he was worried for Kazuda.

"I'm here and in one piece, go do your job." Kazuda said.

Neeku nodded and kissed Kazuda before running off to do that. Kazuda looked over at the older men who just gave him looks of amusement, Kazuda felt that blush again and was about to run off to join the aces, When jade landed in the hanger. So kazuda stayed, maybe say something to Norath and Huge, before finding Tam and Synara. The four ships occupants jumped out of there ships looking tired, they had been gone for a while. So it was either a stressful mission or a really boring one. There commander, Commander Doza. She didn't looks happy as she walked form her ship. Kazuda was wondering if she had failed her mission. Her husband seemed to know something was wrong and he rushed to her. Kazuda got teased being "mushy" with his boyfriend, but the Doza's out classed him when it came to that. But no one was about to make fun of there bosses. Kazuda just went over to Norath and Huge, there third person was shy and quickly slinked away before being forced to be social with anyone.

"Something wrong, mi alma?" He asked, "mission failed?"

"No mi amado, mission was a success," she said, "I need Kazuda, I don't have great news for him"

Kazuda turned at the saying of his name. Before he knew it he was in Captain doza's office with all three of the colossus's leadership. Venisa, or just Commander Doza if he was being respectful and he was, poured Kazuda a drink and sat next to him on the couch.

"I don't have good news for you and I want you to be warned before I continue." Venisa said, looking him in the eyes.

Kazuda just nodded and held the drink in his hands, he tone and energy was motherly.

"I have no good way to say this," she said trying but sighed, "but your father was arrested for treason and war crimes." 

"What?" Kazuda said quickly, it must be a joke right.

"It's not looking good for him, you should have been told sooner but no was sure where you where." She said.

"This is a joke right?" Kazuda said.

"I wish it was, but no it's not." She said, "they say he knew of the attack and got his family off world before it happened."

Kazuda was about to debate that, his father wouldn't sacrifice his world and he was about to say as such before stopping himself, his father did say the family was alright. Did he know. That thought felt like cold ice like poison in his soul. Did he know? Why didn't he warn anyone? They would have listen to him, would They?

Did he know? Why hadn't done anything.

NOW..

"Hello father." Kazuda said

"Hello son." Hamato said back.

Kazuda walked to his father and sat across form the man. The confusion and betrayal warped around his affection and loyalty to his father. He sat his hands on the cold table and looked them instead of his father.

"I'm glad you came." Hamato said, and his tone of affection made Kazuda's chest feel with pain and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Father, I want you to be honest with me, and please i'm begging you to be honest with me." Kazuda said.

"Anything Kazuda." Hamato said.

Kazuda looked up at his father slowly. All the pain he had been feel sat there inside him like an over filled cup about to spill over.

"Did you know about what the first order did to our home." Kazuda asked, tears ready to spill over, but his composure kept that from happening, "did you know about the plan to destroy our world?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was time, this is going to be a multi chap fic, and its not going to be a smooth ride for kazuda.
> 
> Please comment and leave kudos.


	2. Broken trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do most of my writing on my phone so, I need to work on writing longer chapters other then that enjoy.

Now...

His father was quiet for a moment, not looking at his as he went deep in thought. Anger and fear ate away at Kazuda, he really wanted to believe that his father didn't know and this was a misunderstanding, that his family was just off world by coincidence. But great-aunt Maiko was with them, she hated traveling and she only left her house on the 5 hosnian great holidays. And the more and more Kazuda was told, the more and more there fear and anger built up. He wanted to believe that his father wasn't involved, if only the childishly.

"I didn't know about the destruction." Hamato said after a long moment, "I didn't know that they where going to distory the world."

"But you did know about the first order?" Kazuda said, not sure if he felt relief from him not knowing or the fact he did know something.

"I knew that they where planning something, I thought it was going to be an invasion, I was just told to get off world." Hamato said.

"Did mom know?" Kazuda asked.

"No," Hamato said quickly and without the hesitation he previously had, "she didn't need to know."

Kazuda was quiet for a moment and Hamato continued.

"I would never put the both of you in harm's way." He said.

Kazuda wanted to scoff, but he held his tongue and bit down almost grinding his teeth. That Kazuda closed his eyes and his anger become dual for a moment, schooling all his emotions. He came here to find out if his father knew and the worst of it had been confirmed.

"If you knew why didn't you try to warn anyone." Kazuda said.

"Do you think they would listen to me?" Hamato asked him, "they already ruined anyone who was loyal to Leia, the where going after anyone who showed any sort of loyalty..."

"The centrist?" Kazuda asked.

Hamato only nodded, he looked up at his son, he looked sad in a pitiful way that did not fit his father.

A few years ago..

Kazuda was 13 years old, his studies with his tutors had finished for the day, during that time his father came home. Normally Kazuda would have waited for his father by the door. But Ms. Doiko, his political science tutor, was going over and over about his last lesson on party changes. Kazuda tried but he never understood political science or why it was a science in the first place. But most of those thoughts where in the back of his mind as he went to see his father. When he walked MS. Doiko to the door once the lesson was over and homework was assigned Kazuda saw his father's shoes at the door. He almost left his teacher, but that was rude and dishonorable to an elder, and he would also get into trouble with his parents. Once saying goodbye to his teacher he all but ran to the sun room where his mother often was during this time of day. Sometimes father would be there as well, but there where more shoes then his meaning he had guest and was most likely meeting with them. In the sun room his, Mother was reading a magazinette data pad about health or something like the at, when Kazuda entered the room. She looked up and Kazuda went straight to the point.

"'Where is dad?'" Kazuda asked.

"He's eating late lunch with some of his friends from the Senate." She said.

Kazuda then left and she went back reading her datapad magazinette. He wondered who his father was visiting. Was is the elderly confal who his father was close friends with and closest ally, the confal often tried to pair Kazuda off with his many vast grandchildren to a point that Kazuda wasn't sure if it was a joke anymore. Or maybe it was the Senator of Corellia, she was nice enough but made Kazuda nervous. Kazuda was going over all the Senators that he knew as he reached the door. But as he opened the ancient door he saw his father at the table with two people he wasn't sure if he met or not.

The two of them which kazuda wasn't sure if he has meet them before. The woman had long dark hair and jeweled clothing, giving off a regalness he only saw his history datapads. The man was older then his father with graying facial hair, unlike the woman, he gave a more authoritarian mood like his father did. The two sat across from his father at the formal dinning table, the formal room is where his father often took his friends for lunch when they came over and have meetings. They seemed surprised by Kazuda but smiled at him after a moment. Kazuda was never good at figuring out real and fake smiles. Kazuda's father said a good politician mastered smiles. he looked over at his father and he didn't look like he didn't want to be there, and he wasn't smiling. He didn't like them and wasn't hiding it, but he was being a host to his guest so he had to stay. Kazuda had been raised to be polite and didn't want to be rude in front of his father and his friends.

"Hello, welcome to our home." Kazuda said

"Ah, your Xiono's son,"said the woman in the regal basic core accent, "would you like to join us for lunch?"

Kazuda had lunch but it would be rude to decline them. So he was about to accept when his father stud up and walked over to him.

"My son has more studies to do for today so he can't join us," Hamato said walking to him taking the door, "he has to practice the clavichord for his recital."

"How nice, maybe we can attend." Said the woman, but she was ignored.

His father who looked more and more like he didn't want to be there, leaned in close to Kazuda.

"'Go practice the clavichord, ka-chan, I see you in a moment.'" Hamato said in Hosnian.

"'Yes sir.'" Kazuda said back as his father closed the door.

Kazuda did as he was told, but he was confused, they never spoke Hosnian in front of non-speakers. He was told that that non-speakers found it rude to speak in front of them in Hosnian. Heck all his lessons, but his specific Hosnian language lessons, was in basic. His parents did want him to have an accent. But also another thought bounced around in his mind, he was trying to remember if he ever met them before. His father didn't seem to like them and he wasn't hiding it like he normally did. Kazuda pushed all those thoughts away as he sat in front of the clavichord and began practice his notes. He remembered all 24 cords, the minor 12 and the major 12. He did his warm up and practice, he was in the first part of the set he was practicing for his recital when Hamato entered the room.

"Your getting better." Hamato committed.

"Thank you." Kazuda said.

Hamato went over to one of the chairs and sighed, sinking deep into the chair, barring his face in his hands. Kazuda kept playing the piano, it was soft and gentle, and he risked a look at his father and the man looked tired. Kazuda finished his set and looked over at his father fully. Hamato didn't seem to notice that Kazuda had finished. He looked up and saw Kazuda looking at him, Hamato let out another tired sigh and set up fully and correctly.

"You're improving." Hamato said.

"Thank you sir." Kazuda said.

His father was here, meaning he wanted to tell him something. But after a moment of silence Kazuda turned back to the clavichord and began his next set, and his father listened. He was focused on the the song sheet and the keys to think about what his father was going to say. Once he finished his last set he looked back to his father who still looked tired and deep in his thoughts. He also failed to notice that Kazuda had finished again. He realized and looked over to his son with a polite smile.

"No more for today?" He asked

"I can start over if you want?" Kazuda offered.

"No, that's enough." Hamato said standing up.

Hamato walked over to his son and sat down next to him on the bench, but facing the door instead of the clavichord. Kazuda was holding the music datapad in his hands, deciding on whether about putting it in his homework pile or leaving it here in the room, trying hard not to look at his father. When his father spoke again not looking at his son.

"Kazuda." He said.

"Yes sir." Kazuda said responding to his name.

"I need you to remember something," Hamato said and didn't wait for Kazuda to respond, "what ever I do, I do it for you."

Them Hamato looked at Kazuda with something Kazuda would call a sad smile and kissed his forehead, something the man rarely did, the he stud up and left his son alone. Kazuda was trying to decipher why his father was in such an weird mood. But he then quickly forgot it as he when to his room to do his assignments.

Now that Kazuda was older he was realizing or making connections that he didn't previously make. 

His father began aligning himself more and more with the centrist, not in full public support of them, just quietly and behind the scenes. He had backed many of there bills and went to there events. Kazuda knew this because his father wanted him in politics and was teaching him about it. It was all making sense now. 

Now..

Kazuda must have toned out his father as he went over the memory in his head. He couldn't believe it, but it was all there, all the connections, the lies. The feeling of disgust boiled up in his throat like vomit and at this point Kazuda wasn't sure it wasn't. Hamato seemed to notice that Kazuda had toned him out or wasn't listening anymore. Instead of his disappointment he often expressed or anger at being ignored by his child. He tried something desperate.

"I did it for you Kazuda." Hamato tried to explain

"You did it for yourself." Kazuda said voice full of all the angry bitterness he had left.

Kazuda didn't even want to look at him anymore and went to the door and pounded, As he wanted him to know that he was leaving, so he didn't press the button on his wrist.

"Wait! Kazuda! Let me explain!" Hamato said rushing up after him.

As Hamato reached Kazuda the door opened and without hesitation or remorse, the guard pushed Hamato back hard. Kazuda almost ran back to help his father back but didn't, his anger was the only thing keeping him form doing it, but there was a shame there as he turned away from him. Ever sense Kazuda was young he was told it was his duty to care for his elders, and that felt like he was going back on it, but had his father done the same? As Kazuda walked away his anger dissipated, like a candle in front of a slow fan. He went through the scanners and guards again, making sure he didn't have anything. Kazuda just felt the candle light of anger left, the rest of his emotions was shame and sadness. But the flickering of his anger kept him walking like he had bare minimum of purpose.

He was standing outside the gate, waiting for the transport to take him to the other to the civilian platform of the lunar port, it was just a small way port with a prison being its most important. He just went through the motions of the rest of his day. He didn't even realize he was in the sleeping pod of the cheap hotel near the space port until he was collapsed on the stiff mattress bawling his eyes out. The anger he felt was gone. Shame and sadness was left, not at his father, not fully, but at himself mostly. was he a good son? was his father a good father or was he just a bad man? was he a bad man or some one twisted in the lies he told that he believed in them himself. 

So Kazuda fell asleep in his clothing, emotionally exhausted form the day, more confused then before. the last thought that crossed his mind was 'why don't i hate him?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I choose clavichord because piano isn't star war-y enough for my taste.
> 
> Tell me what you think.


	3. Frayed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has more curse words and body horror, blood, and broken bones. This chapter is the reason I'm bumping the rating up.

Now...

Back in his cell, after a thorough look over in the prison med Bay he was taken back to his tiny cell. Hamato held the one thing he was aloud to have, it was an old family halo from when Kazuda was 15, back when his son's hair was consivetive and covered that scar he got at 6, he often found comfort in looking at it. He liked to think they where happy back then, but he wasn't sure. He was sure Tasuki would stand with him, she just needed time, they been through a lot together he just hoped that no matter what she still loved him and still called him husband. But she hadn't seen him, he even wondered if she was reading his messages to her. Then with some ruefulness, he wondered if the guards where even sending them on to her. But his message got to Kazuda, so she was probably ignoring him. Kazuda was also the only family member that came to see him, meaning most of the family had written him off and out of there life's.

His brothers probably are pretending he didn't exist, but that was normal act between the three of them. Lucky his parents died years ago, because he wasn't sure if he could deal with there Shame of him. Looking back at the picture he smiled softly, remembering a time when the Galaxy wasn't broken as it was now. He had his family, even if they hate him right now, but all he did was for his family, he just hoped that one day they will realize that.

"Lights off!" Yelled a guard, Hamato didn't hear the 20 minutes call. 

But for Hamato was already in bed, he turned his picture holo off and set it on the tiny shelf above his bed. He rolled over on the stiff mattress and feel asleep 5 minutes after the lights where cut. He didn't dream he never did, but that was all he hoped for.

Few months ago..

The mission looked simple enough, rush in capture the ships and bring them back to the colossus. They all where so used to doing it that they could do it in there sleep. So they must have been asleep at the start of this mission because now it was going to hell.

Bo and Griff where both knocked out early, both having to return back to the colossus, the ship still had a functional gun and the gunner had good aim. It was hard to avoid the shots. Torra had good aim and she was having trouble trying to aim her own shots. Fraya tried to become the decoy for Torra, but without cover torra was open to shots and many almost hit her. Hype and Kazuda tried to be decoy but they weren't coordinated enough, on there own the two where great, but without the inherent trust and non-verble conversation that some how worked with Bo and Griff. The two almost ran into eachother, both pulling away with in moments, almost hair of an inch form eachother, they both rocked eachothers ships as the narrowly hit eachother. 

"What the hell Kazuda!" Hype screamed at Kazuda.

"Sorry." Kazuda spattered back but he didn't feel it.

Yeager who for his part as comander and mission lead was quiet. This was probably a teaching moment, but this lesson had gone for too long and he had enough. He didn't need any one killed over a mark. It wasn't worth it.

"Fall back we are aborting this mission." Yeager said, hopeing his calm was showing in his voice.

"What?" They all called, racers, such competitive people.

"This guy isn't worth a dead ace, fall back and head home." Yeager said again.

"We can still get..." Torra said.

"Next person who questions is grounded." Yeager said.

They all fell quiet and fell behind Yeager and headed back to there ship. He was just as disappointed as they where, but this wasn't worth it. With two aces out they didn't have the precision needed for the task at hand. So it was time to pull out and head home, he didn't need someone to die over this. So he opened the com Chanal to the colossus.

"Mission a failure, returning home." Yeager said.

"Understood." Doza said.

Yeager was turning and leading the aces away, but Kazuda stayed behind, it was quickly noticed. 

"Don't do it Kaz, I can't ha-" Yeager said but Kazuda turned off the chanal. 

Yeager was honestly offined by the disrespect, Kazuda was normally the one who followes his commands. Yeager knew the young man had just received some terrible news, and his emotions are everywhere and that blinding drive to do something was over the boys head. Yeager didn't need anyone to die, and he didn't need Kazuda to be the one who dies.

"Go home I'll stay and keep this idiot alive." Yeager said.

"Yes Yeager." They said, they all wanted to stay, but didn't.

They all flew off, back to there base as Yeager fell behind Kazuda. The fireball and Yeager's ship weaved and dived away from the shots the ship was throwing at them. Yeager avoided the shots but stayed with-in view of Kazuda, hopeing the idiot saw him and reopened the chanal.

"Bucket," Yeager said to his droid.

Bucket yipped a response to Yeager.

"Get a signal to CB, if Kazuda isn't willing to listen she might." Yeager said.

Back at the fireball, the tiny red and blue droid was given Kazuda verbal hell. Chirping and whooping at the guy in rapid succession that Kazuda had a hard time keeping up with her binary. He knew Yeager was behind him and he felt bad about ignoring an order, but he just didn't care anymore. He was ignoring her and trying to avoid the shots the ship was shooting at him. 

CB for all her programming for being loyal, she was this close to just taking over the ship and flying it back herself. But she knew she was no pilot, Kazuda was probably one of the best she had ever flown with, he was probably behind Poe good. But if she could strangle him with her cables without killing him she would, but also at the moment she was pretty sure she would just kill him. Cb23 was in the middle of her rants when she got the signal from bucket.

' _Yeager wants to talk to kaz.'_ Bucket said.

_'He's not listening right know.'_ Cb23 said back.

_'Just get the fucking meatbag on the line cb23.'_ Bucket said, _'i just hope Yeager is pissed off enough to yell at the f..'_

_'He's my meatbag,'_ cb23 snapped back, _'but I'll get him on the line, give me a moment.'_

Cb23 liked bucket but she was the only one who could call her organic meatbag. She was quietly focusing on bypassing Kazuda's com codes, but Kazuda didn't seem to notice, then again he was spinning and weaving to avoid the onslot of shots the ship ahead was rapid fireing apon the two of them. CB let out a triumphant chirp when she got the Channel open again. Kazuda noticed when Yeager was yelling at him. He tried closing it again but cb23 had him blocked.

"What the hell CB." Kazuda said to her.

"Kazuda! I gave you an order!" Yeager yelled.

"I know Yeager." Kazuda said, tried avoid more shots.

The cargo ship had sunk lower into the atmosphere so now they where in a blue and green Canyon of needle like rock formations. They all where now weaving around them while also avoid shots. The cargo ship was now shooting at the pillars so they whould fall on the two following ships. 

"Then why are you doing this?" Yeager asked

"I don't know." Kazuda said.

"You know why," Yeager said his tone harsh, "you just don't want to confront the feelings you have right now about your father."

If Yeager hadn't been wrapped up in his own feels of anger he probably wouldn't have worded it like that, or not with the tone he had. He watched in horror as Kazuda shot straight into the air and immediately comdown infront of the cargo ship. He didn't notice that Kazuda had shot out his spearhead into the front of the ship but it had missed, the cargo ship jurked away but it wasn't quick enough for it to correct it trajectory, hit hit a pillar is a ball of fire. Yeager was temporarily blinded by the flash, he couldn't see for a moment, his vision so they came back and then the proximity alarm started wailing. Uphead was a pillar and her quickly turned narrowly hit the pillars, if he was any closer he would have scraped the bottom of his ship, but his attention was brought back as an explosion bloomed nearby.

"Kaz! Kaz!" Yeager yelled, he didn't need anyone to die, he just prayed Kazuda hadn't died.

"I'm fine Yeager." Kazuda said back.

A wave of relief washed over Yeager at the sound of the young man's voice, then Yeager jumped into is most fatherly tone he could muster.

"That was probably the stupidest thing I've have ever seen you do and you have done many stupid things." Yeager scolded.

"Yeager.." Kazuda started, but he was cut off.

"That was probably the stupidest fucking thing i've ever seen period." Yeager continued.

"It-" Kazuda began.

"You could have died, Kazuda," Yeager started, "I can't loose you."

Kazuda was silent on his end as he felt something heavy weight on him, but he ignored it.

"I'm landing to see if anyone survived." Kazuda said.

"I don't think anyone did." Yeager said.

"That ship was II-X-950 by templar manufacturing, before Sienar Fleet Systems by out. It has a bastard beskar skeleton, expensive blend of strong metals and steel. As long as someone was strapped down in the haul someone should have survived." Kazuda said.

Yeager followed the young man down to the basin of the canyon, Yeager saw the crash sight, it was basically a scrap heap but only a square box. If anyone survived it would be a miracle, they both landed a distance away form the crash. They both jumped out and Kazuda started to make his way to the ship but Yeager quickly cought up to him. He held Kazuda by the upper arm, but the man did look at him.

"Kaz," Yeager started, but he couldn't finish them, "talk to me."

"About what?" Kazuda said.

"Why are trying to get yourself killed?" Yeager said.

"You know why." Kazuda said back, and he was able to pull his arm out of Yeager's grip.

Yeager sighed and followed the young man to the box, from ground level they could see that it was on its side. For a moment Yeager worried that if anyone had survived they might have a blaster and they forget there's in there ships. Kazuda just found the safety lach and pulled hard. Yeager saw and began helping kaz pull the door, then Kazuda stoped pulling and looked in the blue sand for something to pry the door open with. Then Kazuda found a slightly bent strut and wedged it in the seem. And after a long hard push and pull the door opened slightly. Kazuda feel to the ground after his waight was shifted away.

Yeager held his hand out but Kazuda ignored it and got up on his own and from his jacket pocket he pulled out a light. He turned it on and looked in. Yeager stepped forward and looked over his shoulder. The inside was a mess of trash and broken things, but the worst part was the bodies strewn about. Yeager counted 5, all beaten and bloody, only one was draped down, and things that wheren't hit there body over and over as they tumbled down and as there ship broke apart. They both jumped out of there skin when the body of the one strapped down turned there head to look at them. They just looked lost like and confused. They moved to unlock themselves but that was when they started screaming. That was when they notices that there arm had been broken and the bone had broke through skin. Yeager quickly called the colossus for a medical team, Kazuda on the other hand, walked into the ship and was now standing infront of the dangling person.

"HELP ME!" They screamed at Kazuda.

Kazuda reached up and was about to unbelt them when Yeager yelled at him to stop.

"What?" Kaz asked.

"You will hurt her more if you unbelt her," yeager said, "that belt is probably the only thing keeping her togther."

"But we can't leave her like this." Kaz said.

"I know." Yeager said and he slipped into the ship with kaz.

He looked over the woman wounds. 

"Kaz, give me your belt." Yeager said.

Kazuda took off his belt and moved a crate so he could stand on it, he used the belt as a tourniquet around her arm. Slowing the blood, it didn't help , as she was still bleeding from other wounds. It felt like forever when one of the medical droids came to them. It ushered them away from the woman, it even got on the crate Yeager had used. After a long moment it stoped what it was doing.

"Your injuries are severe, you are are dieing," the droid said.

The women started crying.

"If you have a message for family, do you wish to recoged it." The droid asked.

The woman nodded and with her good arm she placed her hand on her chest. The droid held out a small micro for her to speak. She said her name, her home world, city name, and the namr of her parents.

"And all hail emperor Palpatine, may he Reign for all eternity." She finished and unbelted herself.

Kaz hoped she died before she hit the ground.

Now...

Each culture has there own interpretation of what is breakfast, on the Colossus salted puffer pig pork bacon was a delicacy, but more often then not ration bars or gruel broth was often eaten. On Hosnian Prime was known for fluffy biscuits, but oftenly salted sea salmon, soup, and grain was the basic. Each culture has a fancy breckfast and like many cultures Kazuda wondered if the lunar platform had a fancy breckfast or basic, Kazuda also wondered what he was eating was either of the two. It was a stew with eggs over the top. Kazuda was trying to eat it, but it was like eating cement. He also was sure if that was his emotions or the fact it was bad.

There was also more important things to consider, should he stay and talk with his father or leave after coming to get the truth.

Now that Kazuda had the truth, there was no reason to stay. But there was also no reason to leave either.

Yes, his father had lied and was a traitor, but he was his father the man who raised him. Kazuda wanted to leave and just forget that he even had a father, let the man who knew about the first order was going to do something to there home world. But that man was his father...

Kazuda was thinking about just getting in his ship and leveling, he was about to just that when the guard waved him into the meeting room again. His father sat there, he looked sadder then he ever seen, he could have cried and Kazuda would have followed right behind him. But it wasn't the Hosnian way to cry, only babies cried, you were weak if you cried. So they both stiffened and sat down across from eachother.

They where both quiet even though they both just wanted to say something, talk to the other, even if was just to yell. But no they stayed quiet.

"Hello father." Said Kazuda

"Hello Kazuda." Said Hamato.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I made Yeager paternal enough.
> 
> I also made up bastard beskar, because Kazuda knows ships the little history nerd that he is.


	4. Tape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No now, all past.

Few months ago...

Nightmares, there where more and more, and getting worse and worse. Kazuda just didn't feel like sleeping anymore, but his body did betray him and he'll just be waking up from being asleep. Also Neeku being there helped him sleep, just being together in bed made him feel grounded and safe. But there were nights when that didn't even seem to help. Kazuda was laying in bed, he was poking and studying the burn scars on his hand. A lovely souvenir from the battle of Exacol, it was an ugly knot of raised, twisted, tight skin starting from the center of his palm and extending over most of his hand. If bacta had been ready and available Kazuda wouldn't have the scars. But it was a rare and more important things started happening then vanity. He'll just wear a gloves and ignore it. Kazuda felt Neeku shift next to him, rolling over to his side and throwing his arm around him. Pulling his body close to his, it felt nice. But Kazuda just didn't feel like sinking into the feeling like he would at any other time. He felt awful. He felt Neeku shift again and he felt Neeku sit up and looked down at him. Kazuda just looked up at his boyfriend.

"Your awake." Neeku said

"I'm not tired." Kazuda said, 

"Want to talk about it?" Neeku asked

"No." Kazuda said honestly

He didn't want to talk about it. The nightmare of watching his home world get destroyed, his father somehow responsible for it happening. The woman in the crashed ship, his belt around her useless arm. He didn't even want the belt back, he just got a new one, the buckle was square. He knew it was a weird thing to care or even think about, but he did. He just wanted to stop thinking, erase his memories, just stop feeling for a while. Neeku must have thought that Kazuda was just depressed from being grounded after the mission. Missing 3 missions, being stuck on the ground while everyone else went and protected the galaxy from dangers. He simply thought his boyfriend was upset that he couldn't fly for a month.

"It's going to be okay, it's just a month." Neeku said trying to re insure Kazuda.

"Yeah..." Kazuda Said softly realizing that is what Neeku thought.

"Try and sleep a little bit okay?" Neeku said.

"Okay." Kazuda said.

Neeku smiled softly and leaned down to give Kazuda a quick goodnight kiss and laid back down behind Kazuda. Holding the man close. Kazuda did try and sleep, but once he felt his body fall into the relaxed state, his mind rushed it forward, waking him up again. He must have fallen asleep and he wasn't sure for how long either, they where in space so there wasn't a concept of true day or night time, the station was still on Castilon time. when he did wake up and started to move around a container of food sat next to the bed with a small flimsi note on it. It was from Neeku, he didn't even need to read it to know as such. But he picked it up and read it. 

'Aces gone on mission, working in engineering. Here is food, enjoy. =)-neeku'

Neeku's handwriting was neat and looked like someone who had some penmanship skill. Kazuda didn't try and be judementle, but as someone who was forced to write in 4 writing systems in flimsi notepads, he could tell when someone wasn't. It wasn't a class or privilege thing, like very few worlds taught penmanship past writing a name and the various alphabets letters, the rest of it was typing. Like for Hosnian Prime it a cultural thing, like it was for many worlds, but for Ryloth it was a necessity as they didn't have halo net records, it must be the same for kistan. He saw tam write from time to time, it was sloppy. Kazuda was no master at penmanship like his father, who wrote everything before typing it. Then the somewhat positive feeling he had was gone. Kazuda just sat up fully and ate the cold food without tasting it. He got dressed and got ready, even though he just wanted to roll over and try to go back to sleep. He needed to do something just for a while, even if it was cleaning the refresher. Kazuda had to find something to get his mind off everything.

While Kazuda was off trying to find something, Neeku and Tam were deep in the colossus inter-workings. In a crawl space that the chelidae couldn't get to become of there bulk bodies and large shells. Neeku's was always ready to help and Tam fallowed to help her friend. During that time Tam was both talking to Neeku. Both there hands deep in something that may or may not cause the platform to blow up if not fixed properly.

"With Kazuda grounded do you think they'll ask me to fly with them?" Tam asked.

"You already fly with comander Doza in jade squadron why would you want to fly with the aces?" Neeku asked her as he tighted a but.

When tam had returned, not everyone was welcoming to her. And once they joined up the half the resistance on Batuu comander doza had asked tam to join her. Tam immediately accepted she was gone and back from time to time. She often stayed when jade goes on delivery missions, she didn't like being mistaken for a machanic while on the bases. Even though she was a mechanic and a very highly skilled one at that. Neeku loved Kazuda, and he was getting better, but it was just nice to have someone who actually knows what they are doing.

"There might be an attack or something." Tam said.

"Only if they really need you, but I think jade will need you more if something like that happens." Neeku said.

Tam pulled out a part and the two quickly replaced it, and once it was in place and the knowledge that if it didn't go in right the station might blow up had washed away, the two where packing up there tools.

"What are you thinking so hard about Neeku, your never this quiet." Tam said, looking over too her friend.

"Kazuda mostly, he isn't sleeping and he's upset, and I don't think it's about being grounded." Neeku said to her.

"He just got some terrible news is all." Tam said

"If he did he won't tell me." Neeku said.

"He will."Tam said, she wasn't told, it was a secret or something. 

It was odd that no one knew and everyone who did wasn't talking about it. Kazuda looked distant sometimes, like he was somewhere else mentally. Yeager whould look at Kazuda in worry and something like pity, and commander and captain Doza did the same. When she asked she was told that Kazuda got bad news and he didn't want anyone to know right now. She just wasn't worried for him, Neeku was downright scared for Kazuda sometimes. Tam would even say Neeku was more worried for Kazuda that Kazuda was about himself. 

"That's a thought," Tam thought, "them two."

When Tam returned the biggest surprise wasn't that Yeager and Kaz where now aces, it was that Neeku and Kazuda where in a relationship. She only found out when she saw them kissing after the victory, not finding there closeness beforehand odd. Neeku was physical with everyone, he hugged, held hands, and talked with everyone like they where his best friends in the galaxy or his family. But it wasn't until the two where kissing like two love sick couple that it even clicked for her, and the worst thing is she was the last to know about it. 

Yeager, Torra, hype, aunt z, even synara treated like this as old news when Tam looked at them for answers. The answer she got was.

"Yeah, they been together for about two months now." Yeager even went further, "yeah they sleep together in Neeku's bed now." And he said that like he might have seen something he did what to see. Tam didn't push forward, getting over the awkward feeling of being the last to know, and just learned to avoid them late at night and early in the morning, then again there was thin walls. Lucky Synara had an apartment that was out of ear shot, she also wondered from time to time on why Yeager had a lot of over night meets. She just chalked it up to Yeager not wanting to see or hear them.

They made there way out of the Labyrinth of access hall and passes, the passed some of the chelidae, who all said hello to Neeku in there slow drown out language and Neeku returned happily, he even said the names as he did so. Tam just fallowed and smiled and said her own hellos to them, she didn't understand them, but she hoped they weren't offended by her. She wanted to ask Neeku but she knew he wouldn't know if they did unless they just told him outright. He was honest and had faith that people where honest with him. Once Neeku and Tam made it to the engine room the kids attacked Neeku. It was nice, Neeku loved kids, Tam was fine with kids, she just liked babies and adults more. The great thing about the colossus for Tam and the worst thing about it for Neeku, was the platform was mostly child free. There wasn't a lot of space, many people didn't want kids, there was a birth control program that was free, and there was this weird permit that had to go through the medical clinic. Tam didn't want kids, she made up her mind on that a long time ago, but Neeku did want kids. Which was great, kids loved him. The girl, Elia, looked up at him with a soft, sad, smile.

"Its going to be okay Neeku, it won't be for ever." She said.

"What for ever?" Neeku asked.

"I don't know yet, if you don't know yet either that just means it hasn't happened yet." She said.

Tam was so happy that she decided not to have kids.

Halfway back across the platform Kazuda was in front of a data terminal looking at his finely typed message, it was to his mother. He wanted so badly to talk to her. Ever sence he found out that she was alive he wanted to talk to her, but at the time he didn't want to put her at anymore risk, now he wasn't sure if she knew about the first order. She was good at finding things out and pretending that she didn't know, that was why she so good at keeping secrets. But there was this sense of betrayal in Kazuda, he wanted to believe that both his parents where innocent but what if they weren't.

What if both of them knew and did go along with destroying there world, there home, there people and getting rid of there very culture. And at the same time he just wanted this to be a coincidence, that the family just all decided to go on a family vacation. Just bond together like on spring equinox and lantern night. He just wanted the RUR to be wrong. After rereading the message for about the 10th time, he just closed it without saving it and left. He walked under the fake sky, smiling softly at the memory of it. He really thought Neeku was going to leave and they he won't ever see him again. That was before he totally realized his feelings for him. But that feeling of bliss didn't last long as he tripped over the side of a crate, he just fell face first into the ground. The owner of said crates looked at Kaz.

"Can't you watch where your going!" The yelled as Kazuda got up, not helping him up, "do you know how hard it is to find this stuff, true star peppers, and you just waltzing.."

"Keep your damn crates out of the way and maybe I won't trip on them!" Kazuda yelled at him.

Which was true, the crates where in the normal foot path, but many people just choose to walk around it. Kazuda who wasn't paying attention and was dyspraxic, who just fell over them, even though the boxes were in the way. Kazuda just wanted to punch the man, but he just let it go, for now. He just got up and walked away as the man, yelled at him. Kazuda felt that getting out of bed was the 2nd biggest mistake he made today, waking up being the 1st. He just wanted this day to end, even though this day hadn't done anything bad to him yet. The yet being the biggest question.

Kazuda had never believed in the Force, he wasn't sure if came form the fact his parents didn't want him to believe in things like tooth pixies and kindly old men who gave gifts in exchange for baked sweets. He just didn't think there was something over looking everything, judging or unjudging god or spirit or something, making sure the Galaxy flowed a certain way. Like if something bad happens it was something making it happens or if something good happened, it was peoples actions and coincidence. Like if you lost your shoe, you missed placed it, not a shoe elf stelling your shoes. Or if you find a gold credit on a side walk, someone droped it, not a smiling sprit. Heck if your speeder got hit by another speeder while in park, you parked it wrong or the driver wasn't paying attention, not some judge in the sky. It just happened nothing special or guided by an invisible will of an unseen being. He had a roommate in the academy who prayed to different gods for a different thing or need.

But now he wasn't sure.

He wanted there to be something so he had something to blame and find comfort in, he wanted there to be something that made everything make sense. But he also knew that there probably wasn't something looking out for everyone and kept balance. There had a few times he wanted too.Like the lighting that shot from the ground and hit only there ships. He heard Force and Palpatine, but he chocked it up too new technologically advanced weapons and a man pretending to be Palpatine to trick poor helpless people into doing such terrible things. At one time people didn't believe that planet destroying weapons existed, Alderaan, Hosnian, and kijimi are proof of that.

There just had to be a reason for something, he just didn't know the reason. He just went back to the hanger and stayed there for the rest of the day. Deep in his thoughts and swimming thru memories, trying to find something that made sense of everything.

All his thoughts faded slightly when Neeku slid next to him in the bed, Kazuda liked the soft kiss on his cheek and side hug.

"Good evening." Neeku said.

"So that's what time it is?" Kazuda asked half joking.

"You slept most of the day." Neeku said.

Kazuda signed and laid his head on Neeku's shoulder. It was nice.

The next few days weren't that great for Kazuda, he had received his first letter form his father, he didn't even want to read it, but he did, it was a mistake too at the moment. He slammed the data pad hard enough on the counter that it shattered the screen. Yeager, Tam and Neeku all jumped at looked over at Kazuda who just covered his face, barely holding it together. He just didn't care anymore. He waited for Yeager or Tam to yell at him, but they didn't, they just looked at him in pity. He was tired of pity.

"I'm going for a drink." Kazuda said and left the hanger.

Kazuda had walk a while before he felt Neeku touch him on the shoulder, he wanted to fall into it, just relax into it. But he just couldn't, his anger was raw and bare like a aching tooth.

"Kaz, everything is going to be alright, it's just a few more weeks..." Neeku did get to finish what he was trying to say.

"Stop acting like everything is fine when it isn't, you have no idea what is going on and I think you don't even try!" Kazuda yelled and immediately regretted it.

"I'm trying, but I can't if you won't tell me." Neeku said, before turning and running away

Kazuda regretted many things in his 20+ years of life, making Neeku upset and crying was one of them. One of the other ones was not following him, instead he saw Synara looking at him with disappointment.

"We need to talk." She said in a way that made Kazuda feel like his mother was about to skin him alive.

The details were vage, Kel had come from below and was looking for Kaz. Neeku had run into engineering crying and had hid away somewhere. When tam asked for more, the boy had said it was Kazuda who made Neeku cry and that was all tam needed, she followed the boy down but he didn't know where Neeku was hiding. Tam found Neeku in a tight service shaft crying his eyes out, it was to small for the both of them to fit, so she sat on the ground out side it waiting for him. He only came here when he was really upset, she had a theory that it was the tightness that made him feel safe. Like when she was little, she often hid under her bed or work table, she felt safe and away form everything that might or will hurt her. She just sat waiting for him to come out and when he did he looked tired.

"What's wrong Neeku?" She asked.

"Kazuda, he hates me." Neeku said setting off fresh tears.

"Is that way your here, he made you cry?" Tam asked blood boiling.

Neeku only nodded and tam just opened her arms for Neeku who fell into them. Tam decided that today, the next time she saw Kazuda, she was going to kill him. But after a few hours of stewing, Tam decided of punching the him would be better. And when she saw Kazuda alone in a booth she was making a beeline at him, only for Synara to see her and dragged her away. Tam tried to fight her off, but Synara had pulled her down the hall into the steps near the lifts, pinning her to the wall above the steps. Forcing Tam to look up at her, normally tam liked the strength her girlfriend had, but right now she was angry. She was about to say as much when Synara spoke first.

"What are you thinking?" Synara asked, "punching him won't salve anything."

"He made Neeku cry." Was all tam said, now realized she sounded like a child who doesn't realize what right and wrong was yet.

"I know, I want to punch him too, but it won't solve anything." Synara said.

"He.."Tam started, but Synara stoped her.

"Neeku is your first friend right?" Synara said, Tam wanted to retort, but Synara continue, "it's there problem to work out, its there relationship, they don't need our help."

"But.."Tam said but stopped herself.

"I know you care Tam, Neeku the nicest person ever, but he and Neeku need to work this out." Synara said, relaxing her arms so if tam wanted to get away she could.

"What if they brake up?" Tam said worried, she didn't want Neeku miserable and she was just getting to liking Kazuda.

"That's there choice." Synara said.

After several hours of drinking..

Kazuda felt like shit, both the alcohol he had drank, Synara's talking to, and yelling at Neeku. He had drank, something he had never really done before out of emotion. Yes he drank. there was like 3 bars on the colossus, so he went to the one that was barely kept alive because no one was there. He just didn't want to be somewhere where everyone knew about what had gone on. He must have fallen asleep there because it was morning when he felt awareness again. But it was still early enough that nothing was really up and running for the day. The stumble back to the hanger was like climbing a mountain of sand and he tripped over every rock and shifting sand. When Kazuda did finnaly reached the hanger no one was up and Neeku was still asleep. Kazuda looked at the bed that he often shared and then made the decision to go asleep on his old bed. So Kazuda just floped down on the bed and knocked of his shoes. He didn't care if he slept in his clothes, he just fell asleep in the bed. He didn't dream and he was fine with that.

When he woke up, to the smell of food and caff, knocking of the blanket he didn't remember throwing on and ran to the fresher. Throwing up all the food in his stomach. He brushed his teeth and rejoined the the main hanger. His food sat waiting for him and no one said high to him, not even Neeku who was looking down at his food. That morning in the hanger felt like standing in a pool of ice in winter. Tam was ignoring Kazuda, she was going to bite him if he breathed in her derection. Neeku was starting into his breakfast stirring it around with his spoon. Kazuda had a cup of caff in his hand and his other supported his head on the table.

When Yeager returned from the shop after staying in the tower. He felt the coldness from the three of them.

_"What happened?"_ Yeager thought as he saw them.

Same day...

Back in the tower the aces where around the caff table eating a picnic like breakfast, they just picked stuff and laid it out on the table without much care of who and what, Griff who lost his taste buds back in his imperial days just drank the tasteless milky mush straight from the canteen, while the rest who still had taste ate. Bo ate his own mush of protein and other foods thru a straw and hole in his mask. Hype who ran into the lounge from going to aunt z's, slamming in hands on the table. Every one looked at him in surprise.

"Kaz and Neeku had a fight!" He said.

"What?" Fraya said.

"Oh no, I hope there okay." Said Torra.

"Yeah they had it in the hall not far from Aunt Z's, many people think they are breaking up." Hype said.

Everyone just scuffed, but Bo they just sat quietly.

"I bet 50 credits that they stay broken up." Bo said.

There was a moral question that flashes up for a moment. was it moral to place a bet on a persons relationship? On whether or not they stay together? Who's to stop someone on betting on getting married or when they have a divorce if nothing go's right? Who is to stop the betting if the said couple in a relationship from having a fist fight? Was it moral to bet on the status of a relationship.

"I say they get back together in a few weeks." Griff said.

"I say a months time." Fraya said.

Apparently if it's for the chance of credits and drama, it was fine. They where racers with anything being considered fair game. They where also still mad at there teammate for losing the mark, it was just a bit of fun.

A few days..

Kazuda sat in front of the terminal for the 6th time this week, this time the documents was blank, nothing was typed, the chaser blinked ready for typing. Kazuda sat there staring at it in some hope that maybe the letter will write its self. He had tried to write his mother again, but nothing was happening. He tried in both basic and Hosnian for the letter, but each time he typed he would stare down at it unsure of it. Then he would delete it and leave, his mind was being pulled in every direction but the way he wanted. His father might be a traitor, his mother might even be one herself, and he and Neeku had a very public fight and everyone was treating him oddly. It was anywhere from caution to downright disrespect, but they kept there mouths shut about all of it to him. Yeah Kazuda knew he had been an asshole to Neeku, but...

Well, he didn't know about "but", there wasn't one. Neeku was on his side and he had messed up.

Neeku wasn't talking or even looking at him anymore, and Kazuda hated it. Kazuda was "sleeping" in his old bed, but it was mostly laying awake, he just didn't sleep right anymore, Neeku had helped him sleep. Gods Kazuda was a mess and it was his own fault. He just barely functioned anymore, if his grounding ever ended, he might not be able to fly because of his health state.

That night..

"There young Jarek, they have to just figure this out for themselves." Said Venisa.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it." Said Jarek.

Immanuel was just squeezed his hand as a repose, the calluses hands away's a surprise, the man was a lot tougher then he looked. The three of them was in the captains quarters, the nicest place in all of the platform. There was two rooms, a sitting room, and a bathroom that was as big as some of the apartments on the platform. Only four people had the pass code to this apartment. Torra, Venisa, Immanuel, and now Jarek. 

They all sitting on the cream sofa and on the caff table sat a wine bottle and an empty ash try for the cigarettes thay no longer smoked. It was an habbit they all stopped after the first war. The cravings where hard sometimes and the ash tray was a reminder for the most part. It was nise hanging out, the three of them, it was like the old days, but now yeager wasn't the awkward third wheel. Now he was apart of this relationship he was now apart of this wheelbarrow. It also meant that there respective problems was there's to share. 

Torra is being a teenager, they talked.

Torch set someone on fire again, they all laughed at that. They probably deserved it.

Yeager's weird father figure/employer problem of his employees/kids, yeah they talk.

"Kazuda is going through something right now, but he shouldn't have done that to Neeku." Said Venisa.

"That's why he was grounded, we can't have someone being driven by there emotions out there, he might have killed himself, "Immanuel said to Yeager, "being on the ground is better for him, he needs to work this out, yes he blew up on his boyfriend, they will work this out."

"I just hope so." Said Yeager leaning back on the sofa.

Venisa and Immanuel leaned into Jarek so he could put his arms around him.

It was nice honestly.

It had been a few days, and Yeager was tired of the kids ignoring each other, he knew that he couldn't force it. But this was no way to run a team. Tam wouldn't talk to Kazuda unless she had to and Kazuda was in his mood. Yeah he knew about his father but this mood was something else. And Neeku he had never seen the young man so sad before. So Yeager to artificially, only if a little bit get the team cooperating again. Luckily tam was going off on a mission with jade so she would be away for a while. Neeku had repairs, that left him and Kazuda. It was time to repair the fireball, he might not be flying but he should get to know his ship, or it might lock up, and No one needed that to happen.

"Kazuda, let's fix the fire ball." Yeager said.

That was all he had to say, then Kazuda and him was in the ships underside, fixing the lubing up the pieces. Kazuda was quiet for his part, only speaking when spoken to, it was odd as Kazuda is normally like a philian-cannery, never shutting up while working. Yeager didn't like that, yeah he liked it when Kazuda was quiet, but he wanted him quiet because he wanted to be quiet.

"Kazuda, tell me what is wrong." Yeager said.

"What do you mean Yeager?" Kazuda asked

"I probably know more about what your going through then anyone else, but you can't keep shutting people out and cutting the out of your life," Yeager said, looking away from the insides of the fire ball, "it's not going to resolve over night, i'm still pissed about what happened in my own life and I know it hurts, but Neeku and everyone else didn't do anything wrong. So stop acting like we are responsible for your misery, so tell me."

"My father," Kazuda said, took a deep breath and let it out, "he might have been involved with the destruction of our home world. If he did know this goes against everything he taught me, he always tall me that you should use your words first and everyone has a say in democracy. If he was involved with the first order this goes against everything he taught me. And I don't doubt that he wasn't and that's terrifying to me. I want to believe he wasn't, but I also can't."

Yeager watched Kazuda as the young man basically spilled everything inside he was holding in. It was kinda like watching a damn slowly brake. Kazuda wasn't crying, holding it back as he shacked form holding it together.

"Is it bad that I know he might be guilty." Kazuda said.

Yeager put his hand on Kazuda's shoulder, squeezing it. Yeager did understand what Kazuda was going through, knowing that a member of your own family might have killed indirectly, destroy something you loved and hold dear. It was painful, a pain that sickened the soul because you know that they did it. He just hoped Kazuda didn't feel the pain for the rest of his life. Yeager at one point was willing the die with his, it had been hard, extremely hard for him to even considering forgiving Marcus. He knew that Ayala might want him too, but he wasn't yet. Yeah he wasn't ready to forgive Marcus, and Kazuda was still fresh in his pain. Yeager someday hoped Kazuda was willing to let go.

"Lets get back to fixing the fireball." Yeager offered.

"Yeah." Kazuda said," and thank you Yeager."

"Any time," Yeager said, "But you need to apologize to Neeku."

"I know." Kazuda said.

Neeku didn't deserve to be yelled at by him, he didn't deserve the harsh words he had given. One of the reasons he hadn't already was he knew Neeku was mad at him. He was a coward, and he didn't want to face the consequences yet. Something inside him told him if this had been any other kind of relationship, that would have broken up. Because the other would have yelled at him even punch him. But Neeku hadn't, he told the truth and ran away from him. Kazuda knew Neeku was to good for him, that he was lucky to even be considered worthy of being in a relationship. If Neeku didn't want to see him he would except it, and try and move on with his life. He just hoped Neeku would still want to be friends.

"Go." Yeager said waving Kazuda away from the fireball, "I can't have you losing a finger or something because your trying to figure out how to apologize."

"Thanks Yeager." Kazuda said.

"I'm only doing this once, next time you to fight you can lose your whole arm." Yeager said watching the man run off.

Yeager just smiled to himself, young love, nothing like it it the galaxy. He just hoped when they physically make up, like many couples there age often do, he was faraway. He spent his early years avoiding every corner and hide away in the rebellion, most of them being occupied by his two loves.

After an hour..

It wasn't hard finding Neeku, Elia wasn't mad at him for his bullshit, and lead him to where Neeku was. Kazuda stud watching the man, elbow deep in wires, so concentrated in his work that he didn't see Kazuda for a long moment. When he did Neeku just looked away as Kazuda approach.

"Neeku' I'm sorry, I was an asshole and I shouldn't have snapped at you. You haven't done anything wrong and I acted like everything was guilty for my emotions. I'm so sorry and I love you, I just hope that you will forgive me some day." Kazuda said, "I would totally understand if you hate me and don't want to see me anymore."

Neeku didn't look at him.

"Good bye Neeku." Kazuda said turning away.

As Kazuda walked away he felt Neeku tackle him into a tight hug.

"I don't hate you," Neeku said, "just angry at you."

"I know." Kazuda said.

With some maneuvering in Neeku's death hug Kazuda and Neeku where chest to chest with the both of them on each others shoulders. They stayed quiet for a long time. But they parted eventually both drained and exhausted.

"You said you loved me, is that true?" Neeku asked.

Kazuda was surprised, yes he did and he thought Neeku knew, but then he realized that they never did say it before.

"Yes, i do love you." Kazuda said.

"I love you too." Neeku said.

They hugged again, both giving each other tight,crushing hugs. When they broke away again they kissed. It wasn't a hard romantic kiss, but a soft kiss that felt like minutes but was really a seconds. Then they rested forehead to forehead in a lose hug. 

"I'm sorry I hurt you Neeku." Kazuda said.

"It's okay." Neeku said, he was still mad but the anger was disappearing inside his heart.

Anger had never been something Neeku held onto for a long time, his grandmother had said once that anger for the sake of being angry was poisons to the spirit. Anger without reason, but he had a reason. Yes Kazuda shouldn't had said those things, yes Kazuda was angry and upset, but that wasn't a reason to say it. He loved Kazuda and he didn't want to be angry at him anymore. And the anger and disappointment disappeared from him, replaced with a hopeful emptiness that often fallowed. He just forgiven him, but he still wanted to know the reason why Kazuda was so upset.

"Just tell me why you are angry please." Neeku asked, he wanted to know why, that's where there fight started.

"My father," Kazuda said simply, before elaborating.

The two stayed there as Kazuda told Neeku everything.

A few weeks later...

Kazuda felt more nervous then he had ever felt, like his stomach was full of moon moths and empress butterflies fight over a rotten fruit. Neeku just smiled and squished his hand as the two walk. They where in the tower, as Kazuda didn't have a room up here he wasn't aloud in as part of his grounding. If he had a room he wouldn't be allowed of it, his meals brought to him, an ankle monitor to ensure he didn't. Torra had explained as such to him once. She had been "double grounded", which meant both by her father and superior, but she wasn't ankle monitored. Neeku stopped in the hall near the lounge entrance.

"Everything is going to be alright." Neeku said, putting his hand on Kaz's cheek.

"I hope so." Kazuda said smiling.

They leaned in and kissed, they didn't see they had an audience. The aces and Yeager was watching them form the entrance of the lounge. They heard the two talking and came to see. Yeager was the only one not surprised.

"Yes!" They heard hype scream, breaking there kiss, before going back into the lounge, "there back together, you owe me 50 credits Bo."

"Fuck!" Bo said.

Torra peered from the lounge, seeing the two of them, she also had a big smile.

"That's a month, pay up Griff." Said Torra going back into the lounge.

"my bet was a few weeks, that's basiclly a month." Griff said.

"You are the ones who wanted to place a bet on them, now pay up." Fraya said.

Did they seriously betted on there relationship? This was baffling to them, but Kazuda was surprised.

Jarek who had been mostly watching them from afar just smiled softly. He knew the two where making up, even after Kazuda apologized and told Neeku everything, they still had to figure things out. Like Neeku didn't forgive Kazuda until recently. So they are trying to make up.

"I'm glad you two are working things out." He said simply.

"Thanks." Kazuda said.

"I can talk to Captain Doza and see if you need warm up flights before rejoining us." Yeager offered

Kazuda's grounding was going to be up next week so he could go back out. He had missed flying, being in the sky and stars had been the best feeling in the galaxy. But Kazuda wasn't up here in the tower to rejoin the aces just yet.

"Sounds good Yeager, but I have to make a call first." Kazuda said.

Yeager only nodded and patted Kazuda's shoulder, before going back into the lounge himself. In that Neeku took Kazuda's hand and lead Kazuda up the steps into the bridge. As Neeku was head engineer he had some perks and privileges, like having access to the main com that could send messages all over the galaxy for an hour. The reason Neeku have never used it was because his family didn't have a com, just ground lines. So he was going to let Kazuda use it. Kazuda typed in the com ID he had been given and hoped for the best. While the com dialed Neeku squeeze Kazuda's hand.

"Are you sure you want me here with you?" Neeku asked.

"Yeah." Kazuda said.

They were going to call his mother, he had tried to write her, but he just couldn't. So he decided to call her, but he didn't want to be alone when he made the call. Neeku was going to meet his mother at one point, why not now? She might not like the surprise but Kazuda just didn't care, not anymore. When the call connected, his mother looked like she had aged 10 years, her hair what's grayer and more lines along her face. But she still looked like the regal woman he had know all his life. She smiled at her son, glad to finally see him after so long.

"Hello mother." Kazuda said.

"Hello Kazuda." She said back, she then saw Neeku there, "who is this?"

"Neeku my boyfriend," Kazuda said, he didn't want them to meet like this, but he couldn't talk to her alone right now.

"Hello Mrs. Xiono," Neeku said.

"Hello Neeku." She said back politely.

Kazuda wasn't sure if the other liked each other, but that wasn't the reason for the call. He had wanted Neeku and his mother to meet, but he was a coward and he wanted to sleep knowing that his mother wasn't involved.

"Mom, I have a question I want to ask." Kazuda said.

"Are you too going to get married? She asked, "I want to meet him in person first before you two decide.."

"No no that's not what where calling about." Kazuda interrupting her, and went ahead before she could scold him for doing so, "it's about dad, is it true?"

"That he's been arrested or that he's a liar, if so both are true." She said, she wasn't hiding her anger and bitterness.

And Kazuda wanted to believe that she didn't know about it and he felt some foundation that he didn't know he was standing on fall. He couldn't ask her, not now at least, when see's her again he will ask her, but that will be who knows when. Right know though, he was talking to his mother, that is all he wanted right now. Everything else could and will wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call Venisa commander Doza because Mrs. Doza is weird.
> 
> So don't get mad, they made up.
> 
> Okay writer's note: trans rights, blm, vote blue and fanfic is freedom of speech.


	5. Reconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz reconnects with his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for tolerating me and for waiting, I have a job and just the basics of on offline social life. This is supposed to be my longest chapter yet as it took the longest to write, but idk.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> also edited: minor spelling mistakes and changed kaz's mom's name to Tsuki.

A few months from now...

When Kazuda imagined his mother moving and settling on a new world, he imagined the rich socialite moving to Coruscant, Corellia, Keli-PAX, Chandrilla, even the world the senate was on until he was 13, anywhere in the core worlds a high society woman such as Tsuki Xiono to call a new home. Not for once did he imagine her moving to the agricultural moon of Teien in the industrial Pembina system in the colonies. He didn't think for one minute, in all his life did he see her in the dirt or doing hard work. He had to check the address at least 20 times before arriving at the door step of her new house. It was simple, clean, and looked liked a house his mother would call quaint, but in an insulting manner with her double meaning words. It was surrounded by trees and flowers. Huge land clearing droids where doing there job around the house, close enough to see but far away enough that you can't hear it. He watched them for a moment before turning back to the house. When he rang the door a droid was there to great him, now that he believed this was his mother, because she had never answered a door in her life. She was a wealthy Hosnian socialite from a long lineage of wealthy Hosnians. There was no way the woman will to this day ever answer a door for herself.

"Greetings, whom might you be?" The droid asked, a simple silver-white protocol droid.

"I'm Tsuki's son, Kazuda Xiono." Kazuda said.

_"MS. Mizutama son, she's been expecting you."_ The droid said.

That threw Kazuda way off, his mother was always addressed as Madame or Mrs, nothing as simple and common as MS. And the fact she was going by her maiden name. Had she really changed herself that much? Kazuda thought as the answer shocked him. The droid lead him thru the simple house, it's only ornate-ness was antique vases full of beautiful in season flowers, full and in bright bloom. He knew that his mother hadn't changed that much. The droid lead him into a sunroom of a simple table and chairs, a creamy table cloth covered the the table and a empty vase. His mother never left a vase empty if it was out to be seen, he remembered her carefully arranging the flowers, cutting the stems and arranging them. He would watch her memorized as she turned something pretty into an art of flowers.

"Each flower has a meaning, my little duckling," she would tell him, flower in hand, "it's like a story but in a secret language, each flower is a word or a sentence and together they tell a story."

She thought him the language of flowers, he just wasn't as passionate as her about it. But he learned to decipher her meanings, as everything had a meaning, colors had meaning. shapes, patterns, and even the season had a meaning. Not just flowers but words and silence. Kazuda was sitting in a one of the chairs, watching the clearing droids do there work. When the door of the sunroom opened he stud up and great her. But stopped for a moment as because she didn't look like the woman who raised him. She didn't even look like the woman he had spoken too a few months ago. Tsuki Xiono, or Tsuki Mizutama, as she was now calling herself, had cut her hair short, now chin length, and silver and gray streaked. Her narrow face was now fuller, her once lean body was now fuller. Her skin, that used to be pale enough to see her veins, was now tan and glowing. She also wasn't wearing the ornate or extravagant or even the vogue day to day clothing that she kept for a season before giving or selling it away. No this woman was healthy and happy, something he didn't see his mother as. She had been a senator's wife, in a demeaning way, an accessory, not a person. This was a person.

"Hello Kazuda." She said softly.

"Hello mom." Kazuda said.

The two of them walked over to each other and hugged, a nice tight one that neither one wanted to let go. It felt both familiar and foreign to the two of them, as they where both the same and different now. Once the hug broke she looked around.

"Where's your boyfriend?" She asked.

"He didn't come, I wanted to see you alone first." Kazuda said.

"More tea and sweets for us then." She said.

He thought for a moment that she sounded a little disappointed, did she really want to meet Neeku. Then again Neeku would have loved to see the clearing droids, heck he might be out there asking how they worked and a bunch of other questions doing that cute arm flapping he does when he's excited. And the fact she actually wanted to meet Neeku face to face. In the past she had never liked anyone he dated, she didn't like the guys or girls or neutrals he dated in the academy. The students from his classes he couldn't have at home. All of them broke up with him after meeting his parents, at that time he did what his parents told him to do so he didn't see anything wrong with it, they often said they had his best interest at heart. now he did know better, and he didn't want to lose Neeku, he almost lost him thru his own selfishness he didn't need his parents do it to him. 

Heck Kazuda remembers only a few people he dated his parents liked, but those relationships never lasted. Like the lawyer who dumped him after a few months of dating on lovers day for an artist, Kazuda even met them as he walked past for there date just as there's ended with the break up. It felt like an insult, and his parents where more upset then he was about it. Then there was the local politician aid, who just wanted to get in bed, He had lost his job when he told his parents. Like the only relationship Kazuda even had a good break up was the financial account, it had been mutual, they both knew that it was there parents forcing them into the relationship. When he told his parents you would have thought someone had died by the way they reacted. So if she wanted to meet Neeku, because she genuinely wanted to, was kinda a surprise. But a hopeful one.

When the droid brought them tea, it felt familiar but different, like seeing a patterned cloth but in a different color. It was the same thing basically just different by color. He noticed the three cups, like did she suspect Neeku or was there something he didn't know yet. The droid laid everything out for them and left. Then they flipped there cups around and poured each others tea. Kazuda was a caff person for most, but tea was a social thing the both of them often shared. It was also a time they could be honest with each other.

"It's nice to see you mom." Kazuda said.

"Same Kazuda." She said, "I'm glad you're here."

Then they feel silent, it's been a while for the two of them. They had been close when Kazuda was small, then growing apart when he was a teenager. Along with the added tragedy of there home world. She didn't want to hit the Bush anymore then they had too.

"I would like you to know that I still love your father," she started, pausing for a moment, "but it hurts, and I don't know if I'll ever forgive him.."

"I know mom," Kazuda said, "he did something terrible and I still struggle to understand why."

"I haven't opened any of his letters, I just can't right now," she said, "hearing from you was the best thing to happen to me after the destruction of our home, one of the two things that made me happy in along while."

Kazuda noticed a soft smile when she said that. And he watched her glance at the door and back at him, pretending that she didn't do just that. There was something uncomfortable setting there in her mind that she wanted to say. But what was it was yet to be revealed. She finished off her tea and he poured her another cup. 

"Kazuda, I have something to tell you, and please don't over react," Tsuki said looking worried.

"Its okay mom, I won't." He said.

She sighed and looked at the door again before turning back to him.

"I'm divorcing your father, even if he is found innocent I'm not going back to him." She said 

This did surprise Kazuda his parents are getting divorced, he wanted to ask why, but he said he would understand so he let her continue.

"When I meet your father, I was young and in college and my parents wanted me to find someone of the same status as us; An old family like ours, full of wealth, influence, and history. We meet at a party and I knew he liked me so we started dating." Tsuki said, she looked to her son trying to read him, "and after a while I began to love him, and when you came I knew what love truly felt like, but I knew something was missing between me and your father."

"What do you mean mom?" Kazuda asked, hoping he didn't sound judgmental of his mother decisions.

"Kazuda, I didn't love your father the way I'm supposed to love your spouse. I chose to love him, forcing myself to love him, but it wasn't what I truly wanted." Tsuki said, taking her son's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, "it wasn't until your father was arrested and after you contacted me that I met someone who made me feel love."

"So you're seeing someone?" Kazuda asked, "is that why there's a third cup?"

Tasuki nodded before continuing, "Kazuda I realized something that I didn't want to acknowledge when I was younger then you," she stopped and looked away form him, then she took a deep breath, "Kazuda I'm a lesbian."

"Mom..." Kazuda said, getting her attention, "I love you, and I don't care who you love, your my mom. Yeah it's a surprise, but you're my mom, why would I care if you like women, I like men and you didn't care."

"So you're no angry with me?" She asked, "I'm divorcing your father and I basically lied to you all your life."

"Like I said, I love you and I don't care," Kazuda said smiling, "so when am I meeting her?"

"Soon, she's still out there waiting, I asked to wait 30 minutes so I can explain myself to you." Tsuki said smiling.

"So whats her name?" he asked.

"Rangi, she's a botanist." Tsuki said, almost blushing.

Botany, that would explain the farm. They must have connected thru there love of plants.

As Kazuda was about to ask another question There was a knock on the door and then it opened, and there stud a cather woman around his mother's age, she was tan and brown with hits of white fading into her fur and head main. Her dark brown main was in a tight bun. And she wore clean clothing, like she quickly changed into something form her closest. She looked shy and unsure of herself, looking to Tsuki's for guidance. Tsuki stud and walked over to her, and she was gentle with her in a way she had never seen with his father, holding her hand and kissing the knuckles, like talking to her with an unspoken language that the two of them only knew. When they turned back, the woman had more confidence.

"Hello I'm Rangi, you must be Kazuda." She said, her voice gritty and deeper then he expected.

"Hello Rangi, its nice to met you." Kazuda said, Tsuki had raised him to be polite and he wasn't about to be rude to her girlfriend.

"Tea?" Tsuki asked the air.

"Yes please." Said Rangi.

Then the three sit down, Kazuda poured Rangi a cup of tea, watching as his mother put sugar into it for Rangi. Then the held hands above the table.

"So you don't mind me being here?" Rangi asked Kazuda.

"No, not at all, I'm happy for the both of you." Kazuda said.

"Do you have any questions for us?" Asked Tasuki.

Truth be told Kazuda had a lot, he was now convinced of his mother innocence, but now he had more. Like when did you two meet, where did you two meet, how did you to meet. But the first thing that came to mind was, "So why here on this farm?" 

"It's one of the few planets that doesn't have strict invasive species laws." Rangi said.

"Where planning on growing blue blossoms here." Said Tsuki's.

"Yes, the tree is nearly extant now, but it was popular as an ornamental tree on many planets, like there are centuries old ones on Correllia, and that's the ones where going to be growing here." Said Rangi.

"Just until there old enough to move transplant." Said Tsuki's then with her free hand, she held up her pointer finger to clarify something, "but where planting more then blue blossoms." 

"Oh yes, painters brushes, lantern lilies, winters breath, creeping red vine, uncle's beard.." Rangi said, and she would have gone on and on if Tsuki didn't stop her.

"Honey, don't bore my son to death, he just got here." Said Tasuki's with a gentle jab.

"Sorry lovely, botany mind." Rangi apologized to her then remembered Kaz, "Sorry Kazuda."

"It's fine, just trying bring back Hosnian plants?" Kazuda said.

"Oh no, where trying to bring back more the Hosnian plants." His mother said.

"Where trying to get Alderaanian too," Rangi said, readying herself for a lecture, "Alderaan was a strict one, not many planets where brought off world. Like the grapes are gone, glow blossoms, wolfs tail, blossom fruit are gone, only memories now. But some did make it off world."

Kazuda only half listened after that, catching bits and pieces of things. He watched his mother, and she was swooning over Rangi's words. Watching and listening her girlfriend like she was beautiful waterfalls. Had his mother been miserable his whole life? Had she denied and hating apart of herself, content to live her life as nothing more then a pretty arm piece on his father's side. And was that one of the reasons she was so open for Kazuda to date freely, well free in a way she wasn't, something she couldn't do because of some family bound code and high society expectations. Which for the most part his parents hadn't or had yet forced upon him.

Kazuda just smiled as his mother looked like a moon eye school girl. He was happy for her. His mother deserved happiness, especially after what Hamato put the both of them through. Tsuki had also lost her home, probably a bigger part of her identity then Kazuda as he never really conformed to high society. So this was the new Tsuki, freedom to be herself without worrying about it. Losing home was painful to the two of them, but now they had to learn how to channel there pain.

Kazuda was deep in his thoughts when Rangi was looking at Kazuda like she was expecting an answer.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that." Kazuda said hoping he would catch faces.

"Sorry in my rambling I lost you." Rangi said.

"So are you planning to stay the night?" Tasuki asked.

He didn't, he didn't plan anything at all.

Kazuda mostly thought he'll say what he had to say, hear what he had to hear, and move on. But then again he was visiting his mother, the woman who raised him and was less restrictive then there father, and let him have sweets if he a good boy and stayed quiet turning his father's brunch meetings. This was the woman who raised him, and yes he was happy that she had found someone to be true with. He just wasn't sure.

He said it before actually feeling it, "I would love to stay the night."

The room Rangi showed him was simple and made to sleep in, not to lounge or stay in for any amount of time. The bed was an antique metal wire frame with domed roped posts. There was a dark plan dresser with a round mirror hanging over it, an attempt at a vanity. There was a plan table desk with a lamp and stationary being the only adornments. The rooms only splash of colors where the walls, which were white and covered in simple columns of flowers and red, Orange, and green vertical stripes. And the rug of a dark blue that didn't belong to the simpleness of the room. The room wasn't decorated by his mother, there was no touch her anywhere in this room, it was either Rangi had simpler and more practical taste or the room was as is when they bought the house.

"Thank you." Kazuda said to the woman.

"Your welcome, dinner is at 1800 if you want to rest or anything." Rangi offered.

"Alright." Kazuda said.

Rangi just stayed at the door for a moment, she must have felt awkward, dealing with her girlfriends adult son from a previous relationship. The woman must have thought Kazuda was bitter and angry at her for tearing his parents apart. She probably expected Kazuda to giver her a shovel talk but with a blaster or bitter word. But to be honest Kaz wasn't sure what to say to the woman. She was making his mother happy and honest with herself in a way she couldn't be with Hamato. After waiting for a response that never came, Rangi left Kazuda to himself. Kazuda just tossed his bag on the bed, after going back to his ship and getting it and putting it away for the coming week. There wasn't much inside it; three changes of clothing and gloves, underclothing, a simple clear rock the kids gave him, and tech he would be needing. Within moments he was unpacked and sitting at the desk. He might as well read the 300 letters Neeku had sent him for the day he had been gone, not an total exaggeration. He only smiled as he opened the first one.

*

Kazuda wondered if he should dress for dinner?

Back when Kazuda was younger there was two outfits a day to day person wears, a day and night out fit. The day clothing was for breakfast and lunch periods of the day. Kazuda remembers changing into his night set after his father would arrive home. The night set of clothing was for a more formalness for the day. It wasn't just for yourself or possible guest you might have, it was because you could. The Academy was much the same way, uniforms where for the day, civvies or your own clothing for the night. But it was much more toned down to what Kazuda had been used to, compared to his old family ways.

Then again, Kazuda was an outcast of the restraints of his old family. He didn't go to the private elit schools like everyone in his family before him. As a child he had wanted to go to school like his cousins, wanting to wear the white and black uniforms just as proud as the had on the first day of school. But he was told after the accident that got him the scar on his head that he was to be home-schooled. It wasn't until he was older that he knew why.

Kazuda desited not to change for dinner, he just wouldn't where his jacket and gloves, refreshed himself with cologne and a wet cloth, but last minutely he changed into his long sleeved shirt before going down the stairs. That was where he saw his mother and Rangi waiting for him in the living room. They handed changed much either, his mother looked the same as she did hours ago, rangi on the other had had changed into another set of clothing but they looked like her other clothing. He entered the living room and hugged his mother again before sitting down in a love set.

"Rested well?" Rangi asked.

"I did," Kazuda said, if reading all of his boyfriends massages meant him resting, then yes he did.

On the caff table sat a bowl of mints, kaz knew his mother would scold him for having one before eating, but he hadn't eaten sense that morning, so she would hopefully forgive him. He reached out for one and she gasped and took his hand. Okay she might mind more. As Kazuda was about to joke with her, he saw the solemn and shocked expression on her face as she turned over his hand. Looking down at his burn scars.

"How?" Was all she asked as she touched them, like they were still fresh.

Kazuda was confused, everyone knew about the scar. Many people had them, most form the battle, there ships just as old and under insulated for speed as his was. Then he remembered, he didn't tell his mother.

"I got them at the battle of Exegol," he said.

"Exegol." She said quietly.

"My squadron was there, there was many of us there." Kazuda said.

She must have know what it was or what it meant, anyone with a ship was there in the fight. Even before the GUR was fully up and running there was stories. tasuki looked up at him, and Kazuda tried to remember if she had ever cried in-front of him. No she hadn't, it wasn't the Hosnian way to cry.

_"Dinner is served my ladies and sir."_ Said the same protocol droid that answered the door.

It didn't seem to care it interrupted something, Rangi was the one to brake the mood. 

"Lets eat, we can talk about this over dinner." She said, wrapping herself around Tsuki and gently taking Tsuki's hands of her son.

It was such a gentle thing, and Tsuki complied. Letting herself sink into the other woman. Then she immediately composed yourself and stood, cooling everything behind the socialite mask she often wore at parties and even in front of her own husband when she didn't want to be there, but didn't want to be rude.

"I'm going to refresher, start without me." She said and excused herself.

Both Rangi and Kazuda stud, wanting to fallow her and both didn't, just watching her go. It was quiet between the two of the. They didn't look or exchange a word between the two of them as they sat frozen in there spots. It wasn't until the droid returned and made there presence known.

_"My lady, young Lord, dinner is getting cold."_ Said the droid, _"I'll pull away MS. Mizutama plate if she doesn't wish to join us."_

"Oh shut up fishgutts." Said Rangi to the droid, before the droid could politely retort, Rangi went on, "remember your only doing your programmed duty and not working in my green houses is because Tsuki wanted you in the house."

"I'll keep her plate out." Said the droid as it politely shuffled away.

If the droid had been a living being with a tail it would have walked away with it between its legs. Rangi sighed and turned to the human. Her ears where folded back, close to her head, she must have been embarrassed for yelling at the droid in front of him.

"Sorry about that." She said to Kazuda, "lets do what she told us to do."

"Yeah." Kazuda said.

And then the two of them went to eat in the dinning room, it was smaller then the great rooms of the Xiono house. It was a small round table, set up with a deep blue table cloth, silver candle holders, a white vase full of seasonal flowers and grasses. His mother definitely been in this room, adding some touches. But blue wasn't his mother's favorite color, she loved lilac and other light purples. He looked over the room, it was beautiful tho.

Rangi was used to the room, she walked over to a spot that must have been her's, sitting down. Cather where Mesocarnivores, carnivores that supplement there meat diets with vegetables and other non plant diets. It was something that flashes before his mind as he looked at Rangi's plate, it was mostly meat with some mushrooms. He saw a spot across from Rangi where a plate sat waiting for them, it was a simple dish of mushrooms similar to the one on Rangi's plate, meat also similar to Rangi's but cooked, and a mixed grain.

"Do you pray?" Rangi asked.

"No, I'm an atheist." Kazuda said.

"Ah," Rangi said, "I was just asking in case if you wanted to." 

This was odd, no one has ever asked if he wanted to pray. His encounters with religion usually was them critical of his belief, or really disbelief, or they just did it assuming he believed and had him follow there act. He understood religion and that many people needed for a variety of reasons. He just wasn't one of them, and it was nice honestly to have someone ask without judgement. People are also atheist for a variety of reasons.

Then the two of them sat awkwardly, without there joined connection they had no idea what to talk about. They where strangers to each other without nothing to talk about. They where two different generations of people without much in common to talk about. But like all friends and friendships they had to get to know each other.

"So you and my mom huh?" Kazuda started, he started with something simple.

"Yeah, a few months." She said simply.

"How did you met?" Kazuda asked.

"She didn't tell you?" Rangi asked, confused.

"No, not yet." Kazuda said, not wanting his mother get into trouble .

Rangi was in thought.

"We fell into a Lilly pool." Said Rangi.

"What?" kazuda said

"It much sweeter when I tell it." Said Tsuki

The two turned to the woman at the door. She walked over to Rangi touching her shoulder as she took her place next to her, they held hands above the table. They shared a knowing smile and looked at Kazuda.

"I'll tell him." Rangi told him.

"And I'll explain." She said.

"Of course." Rangi said.

This is what she told him..

It was on a jungle moon the orbited a city world in the core, it was believed the moon had special energy that would cleanse a soul and fix a heart. Overtime it became a special place of spiritual healing and to stay there was for the health of the body. Also over time the moon became less and less of a jungle and more and more people came looking for what the moon offered. Many of the jungles was lost. Fearing the worst, what was left became a Reserve and what wasn't used or valued was torn down and the land restored. But it still had its appeal as a special healing place, becoming a resort instead of a special holly land.

To Rangi the moon was nothing more than a glorified city park. Yes it was a beautiful one, but to truly restore the planet was to kick everyone off and knock over the buildings so the moon could truly restore its self. But no, the restoration its self had become a healthy part of the moon's economy.

That was why Rangi was there, turning more of the land back to the jungles it once was, but with people not appreciating it over her shoulder.

The reason asuki was there for everything Rangi hated about the place. She was there for her health, and she was also under watch by the GUR, she being the wife of a supposed-ed trader. She needed time alone, away from the Galaxy eyes for a moment. 

But the both of them where there for the Kauseya lilies, a plant that grows in fresh water mashes, but it only blooms every 20 odd years. Most of the time it is just waxy leaves sitting on the top of the water.

For both Rangi and Tsuki It was an rare thing that they both wanted to see. So they just happened to be in the same place. a normal person could only see the rare flowers form a "safe" distance, which meant several yards away on a public man-made land bank over looking it all. Tsuki was trying to see them form that far and only seeing the slight pink of them, so she held one of the binoculars up to her face but people kept blocking her. Rangi was there because she was looking the other way at the marsh below. Tsuki kept backing up and Rangi wasn't paying attention. it wasn't until Tsuki had bummed into each other that they even knew of each other.

Rangi was falling, grabbing the thin woman that pushed her for support, but the momentum of the moon's lower gravity meant for a slow fall. And the two of them rolled over the bank falling into the muddy water bellow them. Rangi stud up straight after she fell into the knee high water, she was covered in mud, but she was used to mud. She looked over to the other woman, her expensive clothing caked and covered in the brown mud, she looked shocked.

The two woman looked at each other for a long moment, before Rangi started laughing.

"How is this funny?" Tsuki said before watching the woman study her clothing and tried to scrape off the clumps, but just made it worse.

Rangi just watched the woman look like she never spent a day outside her life. And acting like a fit of mud had ruined her whole day, just because it dared to touch her. Rangi laughed harder as the woman rushed to her and tried to push her. Rangi just pushed the woman over making her fall into the mud again. The woman looked up at her and then the woman grabbed a hand full of the stuff and threw it at Rangi, hitting her in the face. Tsuki laughed at Rangi shutting up, hoping some of it got into her mouth, server her right. Then Rangi grabbed her own mud ball and threw it at Tsuki. Then they started a mud fight in earnest. They didn't know how long it was before the just started at each other. They didn't know who started laughing,but soon they both where. Then the rain started, Rangi held out her hand.

"Come with me, I know a place." Rangi said.

Tsuki took her hand and Rangi led her away to the truth the blinding rain, going off muscle memory to cabin's the scientist use. Rangi found the one that had been assigned to her and led each other inside. It was much better inside then out, both women soaked to the bone. The where both dirty and cold. Rangi's clothing was made for rain and mud, so she was fine, but her main and fur where soaked. Tsuki who's clothing was made for fashion and not for anything she had just did, was soaked to the bone.

"There's a shower over there, you clean up, I'll see if I can clean your clothes." Rangi offered, as a Peace offering.

"No, the clothing is ruined." Tsuki said, her voice wasn't in despair, but as fact.

"Then I'll see if you can fit my clothes," Rangi said.

Rangi was able to shew the other woman to the shower, a real water shower. And she attempted to clean the clothing, but it was the rich people stuff that wasn't made to last, but show off and wear. Rangi was really concerned that Tsuki might want Rangi to pay her. Rangi had no idea what clothing like this was worth, but she couldn't pay for it. So fingers crossed. So she pulled out Tsuki her non work clothing a shirt and shorts, she just hoped the woman like it. And speaking of the woman, Rangi thought she would takes hours in there, so she was ready to bathe in the sink. Instead Tsuki was out in 10 minutes. She stepped out, a towel wrapped around her. Rangi looked away, giving the woman privacy.

"The clothes are other there," Rangi said pointing at The bed.

"Thanks." Tsuki said.

Rangi left the woman alone and bathed, she took longer because her fur and main was matted up with mud. It was a long time before come out, she had he own clothing out and ready to wear. When she did step out, Tsuki had tea waiting for her. On the table, while she was looking out over the rain.

"It's a spring washout, it will be hours before it done," Rangi said, "I can call a cab down to take you back, you will just get wet again."

"Can I stay here for a while." Tsuki's said.

This surprised Rangi, she thought the woman wanted to go back to her nice room, cabin, or house right away. Find away to get her in trouble and make her pay some how, if not for the clothing something else then.

"Sure, I don't have much..." Rangi said.

"That's fine." Said Tsuki.

Rangi took her cup and sat down next to the woman, and the two looked out over the wash out. It was like solid sheets of water, like there was an sea above them that opened up. The sound how ever was soothing, and it was any other time Rangi would just fall asleep on her bed. But today she had a guest so she had to stay awake.

"What brings you here to this little moon?" Rangi asked.

"For health." Tsuki offered simply.

That is what she thought.

"And you?" Tsuki said.

"I'm a botanist, here to get samples of the kauseya Lilly, the roots are supposed to be useful in medicine." Rangi said.

"I wanted to see them before I leave," Tsuki said,"i don't have a home anymore, and kauseya's mean hope after loss, so i just wanted some hope."

Rangi just watched to woman look sad, she did look lost. Rangi didn't know what the woman lost, but she wanted to help her.

"I'll take you to see some, some where out of the way." Rangi said

After the wash out Rangi took Tskui to her someplace. The average tourist only gets a view of the Kauseya lilies, form roped of bridges, while still beautiful it missed the view of them and if the wind was just right you can smell them. But most they only see them form a distance. Rangi on the other hand was here to study them, so she got a rare view of the rare flower. The woman had found a cove of her own, marked it has such, so she would be one of the few people here. Rangi had Tsuki change into one of her field suits. So Rangi could claim Tsuki as her assistant, and not a tourist. Rangi didn't want to get fired. So after the wash out stopped completely Rangi took the other woman to her cove, carrying her supplies. Tsuki wandered where a bout was, but that thought vanished as Rangi stepped into the water. She looked back at the other woman and held out her hand.

"Its shallow here, nothing higher then the hips." Rangi said.

"And if it isn't." Tsuki asked.

"you can push me again." Rangi said.

Tsuki wanted to argue, but didn't, she took the other woman's hand and stepped into the water. Rangi lead her further and further away from the shore. and liked promised the water didn't clime higher then the hips. Tsuki could smell them before she saw them, the sweet light smell, the perfume of queens of long ago. Tsuki looked down at Rangi's hand in hers, and she felt a flutter in her chest. she quickly squished it, not allowing it anymore, but it roused up again as Rangi turned her. She smiled and pointed off in the distance, and Tsuki followed her hand and saw what the woman was pointing at. Then Tsuki saw it, the Kauseya lilies blooming. The pictures didn't do this flower justice. it was red,pink,yellow,and white like the pictures, but there a glittery-shine to them that sparkled in the light and they where bigger then she thought, it similar in size to a her head. Rangi let go of Tsuki's hand and reached into her bag, pulling out hand shears, she took a flower and cut one. Tsuki almost gasped, you can't pick the rare nearly extinct flower found only on this moon. Rangi held it out and gave it to Tsuki, who took it and looked down at the flower. the smell wasn't overwhelming, and the inside was gold and glittering in the light.

"We are allowed to pick, three flowers and document them," Rangi said, pulling out a data pad and gave it to Tsuki.

Tsuki looked at the other woman confused.

"we need to make this look like your my assistant." Rangi said.

"I don't now a thing about this." Tsuki said, meaning the whole of non social science.

"you don't need too, just write down every thing i say and spell it the best you can." Rangi said.

Tsuki did, she watched the woman and wrote every thing as Rangi did her work. collect the samples, talk and Tsuki wrote it all down. it must have been hours and tasuki handed the woman the data pad back. Rangi was reading over it, impressed by the other woman's need for detail and pomp. 

"Thanks for letting me see them, and helping you out there." Tsuki said.

"Your welcome." Rangi said.

An unconformable feeling feel over the other, they didn't want to say good bye. but there was also no need for the other to stay, both getting what they wanted from the deal.

"Want to help me decipher all of this." Rangi said, meaning all of this, "I want you to show me when i did what you wrote, so i can place my.."

"I would love too." said Tsuki.

for the next two months this was there relationship. at morning Tsuki would arrive and they would go out and work, there friendship growing as they did so. The more and more Tsuki was with Rangi she felt that fluttering feeling in her chest, and when she told Rangi this over a cup of mulled wine, a cathur recipe. it was a washout, outside near the end of the blooming window.

"I have feelings for you." said Tsuki.

"What?" Rangi asked.

"I mean i like you," Tsuki said, like she wasn't admitting her feels,"I like you more then i have ever liked my own husband."

"What do you mean?" Rangi asked.

"I'm mean..." Tsuki said and took a big swig of the wine.

"I wanted a family and make my family proud, I married my husband because I thought I had too," Tsuki said,"And I told myself I would love him one day, and I did, but like I love a friend, its not the same with you."

Rangi listened and understood.

"I didn't realize I was a lesbian until I was married either." said Rangi.

Tasuki let the word and feeling wash over her and the feeling and realized the meaning of the word and about herself.

"Oh gods I'm a lesbian and i'm in love with you."Tsuki said covering her face.

Rangi laughed and threw her arm over Tsuki.

"its okay, i like you too." said Rangi

she did tell Kazuda of there kiss but not what happened after, and not of the morning after. It was there secret together.

Kazuda both laughed and smiled during the story, it was nice.

"Thats okay, my boyfriend got me into a race when we first met." kazuda said.

He told them his story, they had a nice night of bounding.

Kazuda knew hearing in on his mother wasn't the best idea, it was his time as a spy, even if he wasn't a good one. He stayed outside there door, it wasn't closed. They probably thought he was asleep. It also felt like a breech of trust. But he stud there and listens.

"I know its unreasonable, but I blame Hamato for all this." Tsuki said, Rangi didn't say anything as she continued, "He hurt my son, our son, just so he can look strong in-front of his little friends."

"He fine now Tsuki." Rangi said.

"I know, but I hate seeing him hurt, I just want to protect him for everything." Tsuki said.

"You can't protect him forever, he can protect himself now." Rangi said.

Kazuda went to the room he was staying in and laid down on his bed, he pretended to be asleep if anyone came and checked on him. Eventually he did fall asleep. His did dream that night, he hasn't dreamed in a while. Most of the time when he slept there was the void of awareness between waking up and sleeping. He found it comforting in a way, it freed him through his thoughts and feelings. But tonight he had a dream, it wasn't a terrible dream. He was with his parents, mother and father, but instead of there old breakfast room or one of there dinning halls. They where eating in a simple common room. It looked like the rooms he had seen belonging to the everyday person.

His parents where happy and he was happy, talking about there day and it wasn't about politics and people they had met and talked unkindly about. It was about office meetings and friends and school. That was when Kazuda knew he was dreaming. He knew this dream, he had it before, when he was younger ans pretend to be normal people. He wondered what school was like, or if his parents had normal jobs. It was like the halo net shows he used to watch. It kinda felt like a sense of betrayal. His father as fare as he cared for at the moment was dead to him, even if he didn't want to admit to it. And now his mother was happy with someone she could be herself with, but there was that bitter feeling there. She had gone along with his father, even was apart of many of his life's wrongs. he wasn't angry at her, he loves her, but...he wasn't sure of his feelings at the moment. So he just spent the rest of his dream being aware while his dream parents asked about his day. When he woke up he sat up in the bed, Rangi was there with a try of food. She must have thought she had woken him, but honestly it was a coincidence. 

"Morning, your mother sent me up here with food." Rangi said.

"Thanks." Kazuda said setting up, he smelt the coffee and that was all he wanted at the moment.

"Just bring everything down once your done." Rangi said.

The cather woman made her way back to the door and was about to leave, when Kazuda stopped her. 

"Wait," Kaz said, getting out of bed.

The woman stoped and looked at Kazuda, expecting a question, maybe something worse. Kazuda didn't know, but he wanted to know something and he will never say anything more.

"What do you think about my..Hamato?" Kazuda asked.

The woman looked confused for a moment, not the question she was thinking he would ask.

"Honestly Kazuda, I don't like him, not for the traitor stuff, but for what he did to you and your mother," Rangi said.

Kazuda simply nodded. The woman turned to leave again.

"Oh and another thing," Kazuda said, "I'm glad you and my mother found each other."

Rangi smiled softly at Kazuda and nodded, then on a 2nd thought she turned back to the young man and the two awkwardly hugged. The woman was taller then him so his forehand rested on her shoulder. She whispered something into his ear and he nodded, before finally leaving the room. And Kazuda was left alone, he thought for a moment about what rangi said as he drank the coffee, adding the creamer and sugar after. He opened the data pad and saw the 100+ messages form Neeku, he did grown a little, before opening the first one. He did have a few hours to kill.

Years from now...

Spring equinox was once an important holiday on the Hosnian calendar, where fall equinox was a celebration of the year and in preparation for the season ahead after the hard work of summer, spring was to celebrate the start of hard work ahead. After spending the winter inside in was time to come out and celebrate. It was also a time when families got together, time to announce things like marriages and pregnancy or adoption. As part of the celebration families would have picnics under the freshly bloomed blue blossoms. It was considered lucky and a sign of a fresh new start to have a picnics under blue blossoms, especially if blue blossom petals were to fall into the food and drink, it was considered a blessing or for new things to come and a person was to eat and drink the petals that fell into the food. Kazuda personally thought it was just something past generations came up with because pulling petals out of food and drink when blue blossoms where in full bloom was annoying.

There was many things to remember, And even though Hosnian Prime was gone, its people lived among the stars, there for the culture lived on. As long as they remembered it, then again a culture is more then holidays and celebrating aspects of that culture. Like the fall equinox was originally meant to celebrate the end of hard work. Like farmers and fishers celebrating a good harvest as they put themselves to rest for the upcoming winter months. It was meant to watch and appreciate what has grown over the year. It was a time for fun and games, food and plays. But by the time the Hosnian system was the galactic hub it wasn't what it used to be. It had become nothing more then a party holiday, losing most of its meaning as the years went on. Kazuda didn't hate it at the time, enjoying the parties even, but now he understood it was different. All anyone could do was celebrate and remember the way it was and what it used to be.

In the blue blossom orchard, Rangi and Tsuki had set up a picnic table under there oldest trees, normally spring picnics where on the ground but no one felt like siting on the wet cold ground. And Kazuda suspected, but whouldnt dare say, was that they where getting old and not as springy as they once been. And it was overall nice to actually sit at a table, but it removed the meaning of connecting back to there roots, like roots of tree. The picnic food also had meaning but Kazuda never really cared much, even thou his mother made him explain it to every one even though she could as well. Tamagoyaki, the meant fertility and beginnings. Onigiri, the rice meant prosperity. Pickled fish and vegetable salad meant remembrance. beef and pork meant wealth and abundance. And fried chicken because it tasted good, there wasn't really any other meaning. and there was fruits that had there own meanings, but Rangi saved him form going any more. He loved his step-mother.

The most a amazing part of this was they where all dressed in traditional Hosnian clothing, how his mother and Rangi where able to get one kimono was extraordinary, but four was a whole other story in on its self. Real Hosnian true silks where collectible even before the destruction. "un-married lady" kimono where the most sought after, the bright colors and patterns and flowing sleeves, it was just so pretty. Even "married lady" kimono where collectible, the short sleeves, softer colors and simple patterns, where pretty. Only wedding and "Prince" men's kimono was worth anything. It was priceless family heirlooms that no one would sell, But after, people were just selling there clothing to get by. Most of the kimono before was given to off-worlders as gifts. His family had centuries worth of them, the ones he wore growing up didn't even make a dent on how many they had. But they where all lost. The ones they where wearing was false silk, older then synth-silk, it made a different sound the the other two silks. Still collectibles, but not as much. and on that note his mother and Rangi where in houmongi, they where spring floral and soft color, appropriate for older women under Hosnian dress custom. Neeku and Kazuda where in Iromontsuki, Neeku is deep blue and Kazuda in dark green respectively, dark colors for married men like themselves under the code. The coins on the back of there jackets meant nothing, as the crest wasn't the Xiono ocean iris, then again both Kazuda and Tsuki stopped seeing themselves as Xionos years ago. Tsuki was the first, and when Neeku and Kazuda got married he took Neeku's name. He was distancing himself from his family, not just his father, but from what his uncles pulled at the wedding, the blatant disrespect they showed, That alone was enough for Kazuda to just be done with them.

"It's not that bad Neeku, and you can pick them off." Kazuda whispered to his husband, watching Neeku grimace around his food.

Despite the whole blue blossoms blessings, Neeku hated the taste, but he still ate or drank the ones that fell into his food. Rangi didn't like it either, but unlike Neeku, she picked it out before eating, she was even covering the top of her cup with her hand so nothing feel into it. Tsuki and Kazuda just dealt with it like they always had, they even liked the taste of the blue blossoms. Or they had grown up with the custom and just grown long used to it. 

"So any plans this year." Tsuki asked the two of them.

"We've been thinking about adoption." Neeku said bluntly.

Normally you aren't supposed to start off with that, but it was what they got, so they went with it. Before the picnic they agreed to just tell them. And of course the two women where ecstatic, grandchildren so soon, like they loved Kal and Eila, but there own grandchildren. Rangi and Tsuki even delved into there side conversation about who was to be called what. Grandma or Grammy or granny or the entire list of grandmother names. It was nice to watch, but what they didn't tell them was they had tried to adopt earlier, but it kept falling through. That was why Neeku was just drinking and eating what ever blue blossoms fell into his food, he was even purposefully picking out the most blue blossom covered ones from the trays. Nikto, Kazuda had observed from his time around his Vozo in laws, they were superstitious and believe in such things and tried to appease whatever Spirit existed over fate. It wasn't just Neeku believing things at the surface level, not totally, just a cultural one. Kids is what they both wanted so bad, Kazuda himself was ready to pray to what ever allowed him children. Announcing it just made it more probable, it was spring equinox after all, And with that the rest of the picnic went by smoothly. It wasn't until later that night when they had changed and got into bed that they even dared to think of the worst.

"Kaz, if we're rejected again I don't know what I might do." Neeku said.

"We won't this time, and if we are we just have to keep trying." Kazuda said hopefully.

They had tried human, nikto, and other alien adoption agencies, orphanages, and private. It was one reason after another. They where too young, not suitable, they both had disabilities, one was alien, one was human, they didn't have the right place, it was one reason after another. The even movied away form the colossus, but it still wasn't enough. The closest they got was a few months ago when they had the falleen boy named Zaheer. His father was single and had his mother looking after the child and had wanted the boy to have a real family. Zaheer was such a sweet boy, he loved net-ball and space ships, having kazuda tell him about there flight and Neeku how they worked. They were ready to take him, but the grandmother took one look at them and it was off. They both cried and begged, but it was a firm no, the father apologized. They just hoped he was able to be adopted by a loving family.

Neeku didn't look convinced, but he nodded.

"We have too." Neeku said.

"We can always get a pack of voorpaks and become crazy voorpak parents." Kazuda joked.

Neeku smiled, Kazuda worded it so it was a joke, because if they did give up they might as well become such. But as they laid there in the guest bed, Kaz was deep in his thoughts, he really wanted to speak to his father. Ask the man for help and have answers ready for him. Kazuda hadn't spoke to him directly in years, he would write back around the holidays, but barely. Kazuda was still mad and hurt from what the man had done, but it did seem Hamato had regretted his choices. But that could be because his family won't talk to him anymore, or he was genuinely sorry for what he had done. Kazuda just wanted guidance, but at the same time he didn't. He was an adult, a true adult, he had to figure this out on his own somehow. 

"Kaz?" Neeku said.

"Yeah?" Kazuda asked.

"Lets get poks instead." Neeku said.

Kazuda laughed and agreed. They just feel asleep hoping for the best.

Back to a few months after...

After eating his breakfast and reading 75% or Neeku's letters, most of with which was either 3 pages to one sentence, Kazuda stopped reading and carried the tray down the stairs to the kitchen. The kitchen droid took it from him without a word. Kazuda saw the caff pot and got himself another cup of the stuff, putting the creamer and sugar into it. He looked out the window over the droids shoulder and saw his mother out side. He finished his cup and ran outside, the droid picked up the cup, wiped the counter.

"Organics." The droid spoke to its self as it went back to cleaning.

Kazuda tripped on the corner of the door frame and quickly got up. And made his way to were his mother was. She looked up as he come up to her out of breath, she waited for him to talk. 

"Mom...I..N..eed..to tell..." Kazuda said catching his breath.

"Catch your breath first, I can't have you dying before telling me what so important." Tsuki scolded.

Once Kazuda chought his breath he told his mother everything, she listened as best she could, her expression did change form time to time. But she listed and not Once asked a question. Once Kazuda was done talking, and one told her what Hamato told him. She was quiet, and he didn't saw anything, she was processing it. She started walking again and Kazuda followed her, he didn't ask or say anything more. Kazuda didn't know where he was going until they reached the greenhouses. Tsuki typed in a code and she entered, letting her son follow. Inside was warm and there was many flowers inside. It was clear to Kazuda that this wasn't one of Rangi's greenhouses, this was Tsuki's private house, her own garden. This became clear when she passed Kazuda gloves and shears. She told him what she wanted and he did it, he helped her as a child in the old garden, he liked the smell of spice roses still, with red being his favorite. They where cutting off the over growth of a flower Kazuda forgot the name of when Tsuki spoke about something other then flowers.

"Kazuda, i'm done with your father, I don't care about the reason." Tsuki said, cutting a flower off and holding it, "he made his choice, you made yours and I'm making mine."

"I understand mom." Kazuda said, but something inside him sunk a little.

Tsuki looked at her son and tucked the flower behind his ear, just like she did when he was a child. he took out form behind his ear and held it, it smelled nice what ever kind of flower it was. Tsuki in the past would ask him if he wanted to know what such and such plant meant in floriography. He would say yes and she would tell him, he wondered for a moment if he remembered this flower's meaning. He would imagined telling his children there meanings, but he had forgotten so much of it.

"But you are the best thing to happen to me, the best gift he could ever give." Tsuki said, "you'll understand when you have children."

"I hope so," Kazuda said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to give Kaz mom a girlfriend, she deserves one after dealing with Hamato for years. And yeah, a lot of people don't realize there not-straight until later in life, and Tsuki was just did what was expected of her, not what she wanted. She wasn't as bad with Kazuda.
> 
> Tsuki-moon
> 
> Tasuki-sash 
> 
> Kauseya-silk
> 
> houmongi- semi-formal kimono for women.
> 
> Iromontsuki- semi-formal solid color kimono for men.
> 
> (I'm not a weebbo I promise, It's just I H.C. Hosnian Prime as a space Tokyo, and do you know how hard it is to find a kimono guide for men's kimono, it took me 30 minutes and i'm not sure if its right.)


	6. Spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have time now because i'm in quarantine, doesn't mean much when it comes to writing, just had time to edit this.

It was Years ago and he was 3 years old and full of energy, the tiny ball of screaming was now a walking and talking ball of energy. Hamato was aware of ageing and growing up, but watching your own child do those things was extraordinary, it was like one moment, his wife was pregnant, then boom, surprise, it's a tiny boy pulling on his arm. This was back when Hamato was in planetary politics, being one of the 3 planetary congressmen for the Hosnian congress, back when he actually had time to spend with his child. But yet he spent his time in work, the child on the other hand was tugging on his arm.

"Play daddy play!" The boy demanded.

"Ka-chan, daddy is working." Hamato tried to reason.

"No, daddy play." Kazuda demanded again.

Hamato sighed happily, there was no getting around this. Hamato stud and he let the boy pull him outside to the tiny play set in the corner. Kazuda pulled Hamato along and pointed to the tiny swing.

"Sit, I push." Kazuda explained.

Hamato knew there was no reason to argue with the child, he wouldn't understand. So the man complied with what the child wanted. The man sat down on the tiny seat, his knees where to his chest, he thought he looked like a large clown trying to get out of a comically tiny car. Once the boy saw that his father was in the swing the boy ran around to behind him and tried to push. Hamato felt the tiny hands on his back pushing hard on him, trying to get the much larger heavier man to move on the swing. But the man didn't budge. Hamato just chuckled and got up, upsetting the tiny child.

"Daddy no, sit." The boy said.

"Ka-chan, you sit, I'll push." Hamato said.

The boy smiled wide and ran around, sitting down in the seat, he fit in tiny spot much better then Hamato did. Once the boy was in his spot Hamato began to gently push the child. Kazuda was loving it. Enjoying the height that he normally couldn't do on his own.

"Up up!" Kazuda said.

"You're high enough." Hamato said, but he did push the boy slightly higher.

Hamato saw one of his aids walk to him, he was slightly annoyed at the man, when he was off call he wasn't to be Disturbed, but he had to remind himself that he was on call. He sighed and gave the boy another push before he walked to the man. The boy wanted his father's sole attention.

"Daddy! Daddy! Look it! Daddy!" Kazuda called.

"That's nice Ka-chan," Hamato said barely glancing at the boy, before turning back to his aid and switch languages, "what is it?"

"Sir, the Raysho congressmen is requesting an open session on who is going to replace the Galactic Sen.."the aid said.

"Daddy! Daddy look!" The boy yelled.

Hamato just looked for a moment, smiling and gave a thumbs up, before turning back to his aid. The man had stopped and continued when he had Hamatos attention again.

"They, are asking if you want to do a remote or physical, and Jhullian wants to know who you support as a replacement..." The aid said.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Kazuda called.

"I see ka-chan you are very high." Hamato said to his son, before turning back to the poor aid, "Jhullian that rat bastard, he will just vote against me if given the chance. Tell him I'll vote on..."

"Daddy! Jump!" Kazuda yelled.

Hamato was going to say something else like yes good you are doing great, when the words, daddy and jump translated. Kazuda was 3 and wasn't speaking full sentences yet, just half word. It was kinda like watching someone learn your language and they have yet to fully grasp it. Hamato knew two things, daddy meant him and jump meant 'I'm jumping'. Hamato had turned around in time, to see the boy let go before he could tell him not too. Hamato just rushed over and caught the boy in his arms. He had never been the athlete of the family, letting his youngest siblings do such things while he read and studied, but he had to get into shape for the Royal Academy. And luckily Kazuda didn't weight anything like the weights he had to pickup and carry. But it was a sloppy catch and the boy was sideways in his arms and didn't seem to care that he had almost got hurt, just laughing and wiggling.

"Again!" The boy demanded.

"No." Hamato said and righted the child in his arms, so the boy was on his hip.

Hamato went back to his aid as the boy pouted, the aid was concerned but as the boy was fine, he righted himself.

"Tell, Jhullian I'm voting on Seiko." Hamato said switching back to basic again.

"Seiko? Why?" The aid asked.

"I know Seiko is...Seiko," Hamato said, trying to find and failing to find something positive about his fellow senator, "but he will leave me alone until I find who I want."

The aid nodded seaming to understand what he was talking about. 

"I'll send word," the aid said.

"And I'm off call until 5th day," Hamato said as the aid left.

Hamato watching the aid leave and looked down at the tiny boy who was gripping on to his father's shirt and looking like he had been eating sour fruit. The man just sighed and smiled. The boy was going to be an adrenaline junkie, not good for a future senator.

"Wanna play a game?" Hamato asked the child, and the child looked at his father, no longer looking sour.

"Game?" Kazuda asked.

"Yep, a game." Hamato said. 

The man sat the child down on the ground, and they began to play a tag like game, Hamato knew he could out run the boy but he was letting himself get tagged and he let Kazuda run around before tagging him. It was an overall exhausting game, Hamato might be faster and bigger, but he was older and bigger. The three year old was chasing his father when he seemingly tripped over his own feet, and that was when the boy starting crying. Hamato stopped his fake running and really ran to the boy, he helped the boy up and saw his knees and right elbow was scraped. He picked the boy up and carried him into the house. Good thing Tsuki was out at the moment, he couldn't have his wife swooping in and calling an ambulance over this.She was claiming that something was wrong with the child and he was saying that the boy was fine. Children fall and trip all the time, they do it all the time, it was a part of growing up. 

Hamato went to the bathroom and found a small med kit in the linen closet. He opened it and found the small cleaning and becta patches. He knew that the wound cleaner would set off new tears. So he held out his hand.

"Ka-chan, take daddy's hand," Hamato said and the boy took it, "it will be over in a minute."

Hamato gently but quickly cleaned the boys knees and a new set of tears. The cleaner burned, but it had to be done. And Hamato just as quickly placed the patches. He did the same for the elbow and done, the boy was fine, there was some tears left, but the boy was fine, he got a towel and ran some water over it and washed the boy's tiny face. Hamato then just scooped him up and carried him into the main room. And like he knew the boy was fine and from his pocket he pulled out a piece of candy. 

"Here." The man said holding it out.

Kazuda took it, all children loved sweets, and Tsuki wasn't around to stop him. The boy was content for a moment, enjoying the rare piece of candy.

"Play now?" The boy asked.

"Yeah, go play." Hamato said sitting the down.

The boy looked up at his father.

"You play too?" Kazuda asked.

Hamato was going to decline the boy, but he didn't, who knows when he'll get to ever do this again with the boy. Hamato nodded and Kazuda brightened up and took the man's hand and lead him back outside. They played for a while, and honestly Hamato felt exhausted, but when ever the boy looked up at him, he felt happy. And like usual children tire themselves out, and he was 3 so it was nap time. Hamato was carrying the child inside for a nap, the boy kissed his cheek.

"Love you daddy." Kazuda said.

"Love you too." Hamato said, kissing the boy on the head.

The boy was passed out before he was even in the bed. Hamato made a promise to himself as he covered the boy was he'll always be there for the boy and protect him, and what ever decision he made was for the boy.

He wondered when he went back on that promise to help the boy, he guessed when he started doing things for his own interests, or when he stated aligning with the centrists or was it as far back as getting the nomination for planetary senator after Yuuko retired after 6 years. He just knew he wasn't there for his son, not the way he should have, he was there, but only when he had to be there. He pushed the boy away when he was needed. Before now in his current position the biggest regret was the poster incident.

Now he sits at the table in front of the judges, wondering if he'll be executed, wondering if he would be aloud to say good bye to anyone. He wonders if he even deserves such. His lawyer, he was given one because he wasn't aloud to get his own, nice hybrid non-gender, even got his suit cleaned. It was the one he was arrested in, a dark blue suit with silver embroidery around the collar. They where nice and honest to him, but it wasn't unkind honesty just truthful.

"It doesn't look good for you." They told him in a room similar to the one he and Kazuda where in, "not only did you talk to them, you helped financed them, and the worst of all, it was your home world."

"Yep," was all Hamato said, tracing out lines on the table.

"I can try for life in prison," they said.

"Maybe you can get me into a nice tropical planet that i will never see, or maybe a ice world so I can freeze to death." Hamato joked.

His lawyer sighed.

"Its your life here, they already put Carise Sindian to death," they said.

"I ruined it," Hamato said, "I don't care."

"Please do." His lawyer tried to say

Hamato just didn't care anymore, he did all of it, he just wanted it to stop. He lost his wife and son, his family won't talk to him, he lost his home world. And it was all his falut for it. He married a girl who didn't understand herself, he had a son who he tried to mold into an impossible shape, kept his families image clean and pristine, and his political career was all for selfish gain. He wanted all of it back, his loyal wife, his loving son, his caring family. If he could go back and decline the party swap, the acceptance as planetary leader, even his time imperial Navy. He would, but it was too late now.

After talking to his lawyer he found himself looking at the photo of his family again. He missed them all. He wanted to cry, but he didn't, he hasn't cried in years and it wasn't the hosnian way to cry. Even after destroying it all, he couldn't do it. So he did what he could do, he raged. There wasn't he could destroy so he punch the wall over and over and over, his hand was bleeding and broken. The door to his cell opened and he was pulled out by two guards. Which Hamato would call an over exaggeration because he wasn't that strong of a man, but in his rage he was probably a lot stronger then he normally was. So has sedated and arm bandaged, he did break it. The next day his lawyer was staring down at him like he was a school boy who was caught cheating. And Hamato did feel a little bit like one.

"Do you need therapy, because breaking your hand In a wall punching temper tantrum isn't going to help you here." They said, hands on there hips.

"No." Hamato said.

The lawyer sighed and opened up her bag, pulling out there data pad. They laid it before him. Hamato picked it up and began reading it, a different kind of anger was burning him. He stud up and slammed it on the table. A few guards stepped forward but the lawyer held up there hand.

"They can't do that!" Hamato yelled.

"They can't, but there trying," they lawyer said.

They motions for the man to sit down and he complied, he cooled his emotions.

"Lets fix this, I'm locked out, but Tsuki is still married to me," Hamato said opening a blank tab.

All his lawyer and lawmaker years are coming out as he typed away. It was lagged and he needed a terminal for this but it typed away, he rewrote his will basically, but as he was locked out he couldn't get to his wealth. His family could only get there annuity, but with him arrested, his wife divorcing him, and there son no longer talking to him anymore, his brothers saw this as a chance to get the family purse. He won't let that happen. You see, the divorce hasn't gone through yet so she still had access to the family purse, and she would agree to this, as she was still the family head in his place. When Hamato finished writing will Amendment, he quickly typed a letter for Tsuki to read.

'Fuck them,' Hamato thought as he sat back in the set as he lawyer read it, 'we are really cut form the same cloth aren't we.'

"I'll send this to her immediately for her signature." The lawyer said.

Hamato was moved to a new cell, this one was near the "yard" or was it was called. A halo tree sat in the center of it while soft mat floor made the yard. There was weights and a sports field. It was nice honestly, there was hope for this government after all. Hamato knew that people like him shouldn't be in government, so hopefully they will fix that. Maybe it won't fall in 20 years, hopefully it last for 1000 years like the old Republic. The cell was set up like all the others they even had his picture on the shelf, his family looking up at him, happy.

"I'm Sorry," he told it, "i'm pathetic." 

A few months ago...

The sky was full of ships, more then he has seen in his life, it wasn't hard to see who was who. The first order or final order or what ever order there calling themselves theses days, it was all the same to him, and that was how he was able to tell who was who. They had identical ships, like a copy after copy, all the same down to the point. There ships was different and unique, even when there was more then one of the same ship, it was unique and different in its own way. So When they got the call they all agreed to go, like it was a hard choice to make for him. He wasn't just doing the right thing or avenging his home world, it was more then that now.

"Come back." Neeku had cried into his shoulder.

"I will." Was all Kazuda could say, because he didn't know if it was true.

Kazuda didn't know if he would come back, but he was optimistic, he was a great pilot and he was flying with the best in the galaxy. he was hopeful when all the ships in the sky above that world. When he called in Yeager told him to cut the chatter. Then the battle started. He didn't know how many ships he took down, he wasn't like the glory hounds who counted there kills. It was war and Kaz had no qualms about killing, but he didn't want to count them out. Yeager was making calls, Kazuda and the squadron stayed in formation. It was kinda obvious that there wasn't many squadrons on there side there. But there was hopefulness there, like in the air, it felt right. Then the lightning came.

There wasn't a warning, and soon the the ship was sparking and the fireball was living up to its name. His cockpit was full of light and fire, he was covering his eyes to shield from the light and fire, and he was falling from the sky he was gripping the (handle) trying to keep his ship up in the sky and failing to do so.The coms was a scrambled mess of screaming and static, but Kazuda could tell they they were the only ones getting attacked by the strange weapon. As he was falling to the ground he saw that the lightning was ground up, from the temple below. He wasn't thinking much, he was just watching himself die thats all. Kazuda was still clutching the (handle) and he felt a white sharp pain climb up his arm and he saw white and red at the edge of his vision. He was biting down hard has he screamed, but it came out as a groan. He must have blacked out, because when he became aware he wasn't being electrocuted anymore, Yeager and the rest of the aces where yelling at him and Bo.

"Kaz! Bo! Pull up!" Yeager yelled.

"Pull up! Pull up!" Torra screamed.

"Don't die today, pull up." Freya.

"Come on!" Griff.

Kazuda saw the barren world below grow closer and closer, he was like a data-terminal rebooting after a total power out, he wasn't mentally there, just watching the world go by. It must have been a few seconds but if felt like minutes, he then realized he was about to hit the ground and die. He was still holding the clutch and pulled up, and he was just shy of hitting the soil below when he leveled out, kicking up a cloud of dirt doing so and he quickly shot up rejoining the battle above. As he flew up he saw his squad purposely stay back, Bo was able to rejoin mush sooner then Kazuda had, but his ship was sitting on Griff's and Freya's wings as the ships hatch was open. Torra was the first to notice Kazuda returning.

"Kaz your alive, oh thank the mother and father." Torra said in relief.

"Kazuda are you hurt?" Yeager asked, he sounded relieved.

He didn't feel the pain at first, now he felt the hot pain inside his hand. He let go of the clutch and looked down at his hand, the fabric of his synth leather glove had burned into and away from his skin, the skin it's self was black and blistering, and the inside of his hand was hot but he felt dull like you didn't feel it at all. Kazuda had a high pain tolerance, from falling, tripping, and getting hit nearly all the time, he just ignored his pain. But he didn't feel this, maybe from the adrenaline from the battle or from almost dieing, made him not feel it. He then noticed the smell in his cockpit, it was a mix of burning wires and metal, and a mix of burned puffer pig bacon.

"Yeah, I'm burned." Kazuda said, reaching under his seat.

Most ships had basic med kits and the fire ball had a basic kit, but Kazuda hadn't had the med restocked since the Zym run, and forgot as he ran other missions. So when he opened it it had a 1st grade becta patch and a small roll of gauze, not what you needed for a 3rd to 4th degree burn. But it had to do. Kazuda was able to open the patch, his hand trembling as he did so, he decided to quickly press the patch on. Earning him a jolt of pain, it was a test to see if he had some feeling, he let out a curse. Then he quickly wrapped his hand with the gauze tying it in a tight knot. 

"You okay?" Asked Torra.

"Yeah." Kazuda half lied, "I'm fine."

"We need to get back," Yeager said, "can't sit hear any longer, moving targets are harder to hit."

Kazuda knew Yeager wasn't trying to sound harsh and he genuinely cared, but they where in the middle of a battlefield and if they stayed still for to long they will become easy targets for a nearsighted tie pilot. And everyone here they won't die that way. 

"Yes Yeager!" They all said.

Yeager was the first to brake away from there louse circle, Bo got off Griffs and Freya's wings and followed everyone back into battle. Kazuda ignored his pain for the most part during the battle. He was able to get some treatment after, back at the base before rejoining the colossus.

'No one died.' Kazuda thought over and over.

But the full weight of them winning didn't hit him, not even as he was being treated by the ancient colossus doctor. She liked the fact he wasn't crying or something along that line, but Kazuda mostly didn't fell it anymore. Neeku was the only thing that made him feel the moment. He survived.

Like the battle wasn't a glorious thing, many people he knew and had met died that day, and he survived that.

He watched his home world get destroyed, it was recorded and played over and over again by the first order as some sort of glorified that that needed to be done for the betterment of the galaxy. he had seen that propaganda many times, and it didn't feel real, even though his home and people, everything he had grown up knowing was gone. He had survived that, mostly because he was faraway when it happened.

Kazuda was done surviving, he wanted to stay still and hope everything would leave him, but he had to move now. he had to do more then survive, he had to live now.

Almost a year from now...

Kazuda sat before the judges as the looked at him, yeah he was there to plead for his father's life. Kazuda wasn't sure if the man was worth it, but Hamato was his father, he needed him. And if felt selfish to ask for it, but he didn't want his father to die.

"My name is Kazuda Xiono, i'm a pilot for the resistance, and i'm Hamato Xiono's son." Kazuda said to them, "i'm here to ask for leniency for my father."

"Why?" Asked a judge.

"He is my father." Kazuda said simply.

Kazuda felt faraway like he was watching himself talk, even though he was there, it didn't feel like it.

"Do you think he is guilty?" Ask a different judge.

"Yes, I do," Kazuda said, "and he is regretful for everything he was apart of it."

Kazuda had been her for all of his father's trial, he had learned things about his father that he wished he hadn't. What was left of his childish desire to believe his father was gone, but the desire of his father was left, it was to ingrained to be let go as easy. Even though the other things felt like it was drowned in the darkness of his soul. His heart had been ripped a few times. Kazuda looked over at the observers to his left and saw Neeku there. Kazuda couldn't do this without him, he needed something steady and solid in his life. He looked back at the judges, feeling tied to a pier as he floated in the vast ocean of his emotions.

"I want him to spend the rest of his life thinking about what he had done and regret every second of it." Kazuda said looking at them.

"You are dismissed Mr. Xiono." The head judge said.

Kazuda nodded and he was lead away by the court guards back to the waiting room with his mother. The woman looked board and Kazuda didn't blame her. When she saw him she smiled.

"Oh Kaz, it's deadly boring in here, its worse then the first room." Tsuki said.

Kazuda had to agree, because the first room was nothing more then a little door-less alcove with data magazines. He was also alone in there, he couldn't see his mother or anyone else because it would become a conspiracy then. Like they could do that. He sat down in front of her and she took his hands, she was careful with his right hand because of the scar, like he was still injured, instead of fully held. But he wasn't going to complain it was nice.

"Do you think he'll be executed?" Kazuda asked her like he was a small child needing his mother's comfort.

"I don't know my little duck." She said gently.

It was a real fear that the man will be put to death, he was charged with treason and other high crimes, the Reformed United Republic wasn't playing. After years and years of people treating politics like a social game the new government was taking a harsh stand, like lobbying and organizational government representation was illegal now. Like the techno union couldn't lobby or self represent in the new government, but they wore heavily monitored. Most of the Czerka Arms have already had most of there factories shut down in RUR worlds, the "governors" having been sentenced to life. The new government was looking at everything wrong with the last three governments and trying to correct it's self. The whole first order take over view as a weakness and failure of the last government, something no one wanted to happen again. Like almost all forms of imperial and first order propaganda has been classified as hate speech, and denying such things was criminal Acts. Like recently Kazuda had learned that there are people who deny the destruction of Alderaan, claiming that such a world didn't actually existed. Some where already denying Hosnian Prime was even a real world. Things like that made his blood boil. There was proof and evidence yet people in deny what they could see with their eyes because they didn't like it.

Force Kazuda wished Neeku was here.

After an hour that felt like days, they where called back to quart. Kazuda and Tsuki sat next to each other next to Neeku, Kazuda was holding Neeku's hand as the other man squeezed his hand. Neeku was quiet, Kazuda just wanted the man to talk, get his mind off everything and the moment. It could be about anything, he just wanted him to talk. The judges re-emerge from the chambers, taking there seats. The room fell quiet as the middle judge hit his gavel.

"After a long discussion we have come to an agreement," the left judge said, "Hamato Xiono, you have committed crimes that you yourself admit doing, crimes that are unforgettable and unforgivable, but you admit guilt." The left judge leaned forward, " Admitting guilt for your crimes show us you recognized them,"

"For that we have agreed that you won't be executed," the right judge said.

"You have been found guilty, you will be returned to your cell until sentencing." The middle judge said.

A wave of relief washed over them, Kazuda let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he would be spared. Then it was on to the next case and the small group dismissed themselves from the quart room during the shuffle. Tsuki decided to take the lead and took the two men away to a cafe near the court house. It was a place lawyer and judges came to drink overly stim-treated caff and get a sandwich, before going back to work or took there work with them and ate it over it. After a long wait they all had there orders, and they where quiet.

"That was fun." Tasuki said.

"It didn't seem like fun," Neeku said, "it was like watching teeth get pulled without numbing, extremely painful to feel and watch."

Kazuda was about to explain that his mother was making a sarcastic comment when the woman started laughing. It wasn't even the funniest thing Neeku has ever even said, but the woman was laughing like he told the funniest joke in the Galaxy. There was people looking at her like she had gone insane from there booths. Neeku himself looked concern for her and was looking at Kazuda for support. Kazuda was about to say something but he just smiled and started laughing himself, not as hard as his mother. This made Neeku even more concerned.

"What is wrong?" Neeku asked.

"Nothing Neeku." Kazuda said calming down.

Tsuki herself was calming down and was wiping her eyes with her hand. 

"It was exactly like that Neeku, except it was me getting there teeth pulled." The woman said.

After finding a topic to talk about, which was dentistry ironically. Which was a topic both Neeku and Tsuki seemed to share an interest in. Kazuda was just there listening, it was through there conversation that only 34% of humans didn't have wisdom teeth, which wasn't surprising, but what was surprising was that Nikto shed teeth several times in there life and there born, or really hatched, with some teeth. And Neeku had shed his teeth 3 times, egg teeth, children's, and his teenage teeth.

"I won't shed my teeth again until I'm nearly 30 years old." Neeku said.

"Wow." Tsuki said, genuinely interested.

Kazuda was glad that the two of them where even liking each other at all, his mother would in the past talk to anyone he has ever dated with invasive questions in a interview like style of manner. He had to guess it was a way to check and see if they where up to it, like the girl he dated in the academy, they broke up after meeting his parents. He had a feeling his parents where responsible for that. The two of them getting along was nice, and even having a nice conversation.

They eventually left the cafe and made there way back to the hotel they where staying at. Tsuki had offered to pay for a room and they accepted. Neeku had loved it, the nikto even said there room was bigger then the house they had grown up in. The room wasn't really that big, it was probably the size of most bedrooms, but Neeku was happy about it and that was enough for Kazuda. Other then mentality prepares for meeting Neeku's family in there tiny house. As they went to there rooms Tsuki held Kazuda to the side so the could talk, Neeku wanted to stay, but Kazuda had said they needed to talk alone and that Neeku should go on and wait.

"He's sweet." Tsuki said to Kazuda once Neeku was gone.

"I know." Kazuda said.

They walked the hall, Kaz knew that she wanted to talk about the case, he wanted too as well. It was over and they got what they wanted form it, but Kazuda felt tired and empty. She started talking again and switched to Hosnian for added privately.

"Kazuda, I'm not sure if I can stay for the sentencing." The woman said

"I'll be there." Kazuda said.

"I know my little duck," she said, "we both need to be, I glad he isn't going to be put to death, but.."

"It hard, I know, we need to be there for him and ourselves." Kazuda said.

"When did you get wise?" Tsuki joked

"Took a lot of falling down." Kazuda said

"Well you do that a lot." The woman said.

Kazuda was glad he was talking to his mother again.

A few days later..

The judges where looking down at Hamato, and the man stud there ready to take what ever they choose to give him. He saw his soon to be ex-wife and son look on, he was glad that they where there and he wished he could apologize to Tsuki and Kazuda for more then his sorry life was worth. 

"Hamato Xiono, we the judges sentence you to life without the possibility of parole, and they you spend your sentences on the moon San Briza four." The middle judge said.

Hamato tried to remember if he heard about that prison, he wasn't sure honestly, but he didn't feel fear at the moment, it was relief. This was over now and he can move on, and his family can move on with there life's. He was excoriated out of the room so the next person can be sentenced, his lawyer fallowed him. The non-gender tried to give the man some sence of mind.

"San briza has a penal colony, it's specifically on an island, it's probably the nicest place to be sent to." They said.

Hamato didn't care, he just wanted to go there and get on with his new life. 

"Your family is aloud to say good bye." They said

Hamato was sure they didn't want to, he also didn't want to, but he was moved in to a room with a transpara-steel window with a small speaker. He wasn't sure if they would come, but after a what seemed like an entirety, the door on the other side of the steel was opened. Then he saw the last two people he wanted to see, but he was glad they came. Tsuki and Kazuda where there, and he was taken aback by the two of them. It had been a while since he saw them, and they look so different, the most drastic change was Tsuki. She had gained weight and her once almost transparent skin was tan from hours in the sun. He could see she had cut her hair, but now that he saw her as a whole it seemed so different. To him the woman looked like she had remade herself to be the opposite of what he had known her to be. He didn't like it, no, he hated it. But he wasn't going to say a word about it, or even show her he even had that thought. But he could feel she knew.

"It's nice to see you both." He said with a smile.

"Hello Hamato." Tsuki said.

"Hi father." Kazuda said.

"I'm sorry for doing this to you both." Hamato said.

"You should be." Tsuki said.

Hamato gave his ex-wife a fixed look as she looked at him with her own cold stare. Kazuda looked the the two of them with his own concern.

"We only have 20 minutes to talk." Kazuda reminded them.

"I know." She said looking away, "I'll do what I can about your brothers, but once the divorce has gone through, where done and I'm done with your family."

"Thank you." He said.

The woman only nodded and left the room, she didn't want anything more to do with him and he didn't blame her. Kazuda didn't try to stop her, just letting her go. So now Kazuda and himself was left alone with the transpara-steel between them.

"I'm genuinely sorry Ka-chan." Hamato said to Kazuda.

"I know you are," Kazuda said, "hopefully someday I'll forgive you, but now I'm just so angry and disappointed in you." 

"I know." Hamato said softly.

They didn't talk anymore just stayed quiet, not looking at each other. It wasn't until the guard called time they said anything else.

"Good bye father," Kazuda said.

"Good bye Kazuda." Hamato said back, a slight tear rolling down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the ka-chan from another fanfic, I know kun would be the normal one but "ka-kun" sounds weird, wears "ka-chan" sound better.
> 
> Hamato doesn't like the fact his (trophy) wife left him for another woman and got her life in order, but he will just get over it, besides he does still love her and understands.


	7. Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the bitter truth is hidden as honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I went to town on this chapter, my quarantine from covid is over and I go back to work soon.

Now...

"Why did you do it?" Kazuda asked.

"I wanted the galaxy of my youth, I wanted peace and order under strong rule." Hamato said.

"Your a senator, you could have done that..." Kazuda said in disbelief.

"I wanted it for you and your mother, so you two can be safe.."Hamato said in a small voice.

"You did it for yourself, mom and I didn't need you destroying the government so we can be safe," Kazuda said, the anger dripping from him, "you just needed to represent and advocate for Hosnian system, that was your job."

Kazuda's anger was hot and it burned everything inside him. He wasn't more important then the galaxy, he was one person, a speck really in the course of things. He wasn't worth this. He wasn't worth the safety of a Galaxy controlled thru fear, the Galaxy he was taught was thru diplomacy and understand. But now that he learnt that was a lie. The Senate, the government, his own father was a lie.

Years in the future...

Life on Meliza was simple, well they lived in a space port in the RUR, so nothing much out of the ordinary or elicit acts, happened often enough. Look smuggling happened, no one was stupid enough to know it didn't happen. It was kept really well under radar, sometimes things can't be found the legal ways. They just fixed ships and sent them on. It was nice, gave them work and credits. And Meliza gave them something many worlds didn't have, stability for a family, even though they could have a home anywhere, this made it sensible.

Honestly it was boring as all fuck, but he wouldn't give it up for a damn moment.

For Kazuda Vozo anyway, he had a small career in racing, but he had stopped it for his family. He wanted to be there for them, in there lifes, he didn't want to be like his father. He didn't want his children to wait for him at the door for him like he had, and he didn't want a nomadic lifestyle where his children had to move after each race, sometimes without even telling his children so they wouldn't cry and throw a fit. Tam had told him about how lonely it was for her growing up like that. So Kazuda settled into his life as a house husband, or better called a stay at home dad, he did work in shop, but mostly as a extra hand but he was often self banished to the house.

Morning always seems to come fast and the thing he hates most is alarm clocks. each morning without fail his alarm blares at him in a loud screech, he hates the damn thing but he needs it to get up. Kazuda sits up and turns of his alarm, and for a moment he sits there face in his hands as he mentally wakes up. Kazuda Vozo had never been a morning person, he hated the time of day, it was always in a rush to get started. What was wrong with starting the day at noon? That time would give plenty of people time to get ready, then again it would just be the same problem at a different time. After about 5 minutes he was 45% awake, better then nothing, vowing yet again that one day he was going to sleep in without an alarm. Maybe after the kids are in university, maybe during summer break he can send them to there grandmothers. They would like that. Kazuda put on his robe, and quietly makes his way to the kitchen where Neeku is eating breakfast. The love of his life eating a bowl of cereal, and like the wonderful man he is, he made caff and turned of the sports holonet news. Kazuda of course makes a bee line to the caff, not processing anything out side of getting caff yet. Neeku even had a cup ready for Kazuda to pour, truly a wonderful man. Kazuda poured himself a cup and put sugar and creamer into it, then took a long swig, the warm liquid hit is very soal and he was awakened. His 45% quickly becomes 85%, he is ready to begin the day.

"Morning Neeku." Kazuda said.

"Morning kaz." Neeku said, "they had tam on earlier, she has a race on Jerio."

"Really?" Kazuda said.

Neeku wasn't a caff drinker, but he had it ready for his husband in the morning, and being a person of ritual and order he never made fun of Kazuda's rituals and order. He just watch as his husband made himself his own bowl of cereal of half corn flakes and choco-squares. They didn't say anything more for a moment as Kazuda ate. Just listening for anything more about Tam. Neeku mostly to see if his friend was doing well, Kazuda for a different reason. There was a whole other reason for Kazuda to listen to the sports news.

"You look nice this morning." Neeku said.

"You're just saying that to be nice." Kazuda said with a smile.

"Yeah," Neeku said smiling back.

Neeku was an honest person who couldn't lie, one of the things Kazuda loved so much about the man he married. They kissed there good morning kiss and Kazuda glanced over to the chrono above the sink, and groaned slightly, it was time to get the kids up and he saw that they had a mail bump. Mail dumps can mean anything, junk or personal letters, or letters he wished was junk. Kazuda took his spoon out of the bowl and drank down what was left, before getting up and putting it in the sink. Then he made his way to the kids room, opening the door. He flipped the light switch and started to loudly call out.

"Wake up its morning!" Kazuda said loudly.

He and Neeku had four kids, all niktos from the same egg clutch, two girls and two boys, all varying from sweet to demons on any given day. There room was divided, On one side was the girls on there bunk bed and the boys on there side with there bunk bed. There apartment above the shop had three bedrooms, but they small in size, the third room was a matchbox. The room division was just a way to make room for them. Kazuda entered the room to make sure the kids wore up.

"Come on my little ducks, time to get the day started!" Kazuda said clapping.

"Daddy why?" Asked to girl on the top bunk.

"It's morning and you all have school," Kazuda said, before clapping some more, "come on Nina, Aiko, Enyo, and Kenji, time to get up!"

He watched as three of his children clambered tiredly out of there beds. Enyo, the boy on the bottom bunk had simply rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. The boy had inherited Kazuda's hatred of mornings. Kazuda went over to the bed and gently pulled the blanket. The boy had grabbed on to his blanket and held on tight. Kazuda never pulled the blankets off his children, he didn't want his children to think he would do that. But he held on the Enyo's blanket as the boy pulled.

"Come on Enyo my little duck, it's time to get up." Kazuda said softly.

"No! I don't want to!" Enyo cried.

"I know duckling, I know." Kazuda said.

After a few moments the boy sat up, he slipped out of bed and Kazuda watched the boy stumble his way out of the room. Kazuda hoped none of the kids inherent his clumsiness, happily that was something you wore born or hatched with. He fallowed the boy to the kitchen, where Neeku had pulled out bowls, spoons, cereals, and milk for there kids. Kazuda only smiled as he got himself more caff, standing off to the side and watched his kids and husband eat. Then there was the heavy footfalls coming up the stairs, Kazuda checked the chrono again, yep she was early this morning and yep there was still mail there. He had time to pull out a mug when Kayla Shin opened up the door.

"Morning everyone!" She called in a way that made Kazuda feel like Enyo.

"Morning Kayla!" Everyone called.

Kayla Shin, a kiffar woman with blue face tattoos who ran the shop for them. Yes Neeku and Kazuda owned the shop, but Kayla ran it for them, because sometimes you need someone with skills you don't have to help run your business. The woman had that strong personality that made anyone drawn too and she was tough as durasteel, perfect for a repair shop. The kids loved her and honestly Kazuda could see why, the woman was basically family now, as she was able to walk into there house while he and the kids still wore PJs, in many cultures that was a sign of intimacy and familiarity. Kazuda just held out a mug for her and she made herself some caff, she liked sugar only. Then she was leaning back with Kazuda as Neeku and the kids ate.

"Mai said it was going to rain this afternoon." Said Kayla.

"What did the the weather report say?" Kazuda asked.

"Down cast, mai may be a crazy bat but she knows things Kazuda." She said.

Mai was an elderly neighbor of Kayla who sat on her balcony and yelled at people. She was the town crazy lady, or would be as she was also know as the town Oracle. She was never wrong according to everyone, Kazuda never got anything helpful from the women, then again he didn't believe her. He would just Pitty her as she walked by. Many people have started writing down the woman's ramblings to see if she is predicated some big conspiracy. Kazuda just thought she was crazy person yelling at the world, there was days when he wanted to do the same. He checked the time again, ignored the itching feeling he had, the kids had to get ready.

"Alright my ducks, eat up and get ready for school." Kazuda said and all the kids groaned.

"Yes little ones listen to your daddy." Neeku said.

"Yes papa." That all said.

Neeku got up, put his bowl in the sink and proceeded to kiss the top of all four children before following Kayla down the stairs. Kazuda the went to making his kids lunches as the kids went off to there room to get dressed and make there beds. He pulled out bread, jam, and seed paste, nut paste had been banned because of allergies. He got grapes and baby tubers. He packed it away in the lunch bags, setting them on the table, before going to check on his children. He heard them playing outside the door, he took a deep breath and opened the door. Of course it was Nina and Kenji playing, but at least they were dressed and In there deep green smocks. They instantly stopped and parted ways, looking up at him innocently. He looked up at there beds and at least they wore made.

"Got your homework?" Kazuda asked.

"In my school bag." They said.

"Are you sure?" Kazuda asked.

Nina nodded, but Kenji went over to his corner and looked, he pulled out his school data pad. Kazuda nodded, he knew it.

"I want you all to double check, me and papa aren't going to bring your school." Kazuda said.

This made all the children stir and look in there corners. Kazuda was satisfied with his threat, and it was an empty threat. Mostly, they haven't tested it yet. He went back to the kitchen and poured himself his 3rd cup of coffee for the day, and he waited for the first kid to come out. And it was Enyo, his smock still open, arm full of his school data pads and his bag. Kazuda smiled softly and got down so he was level with the boy, he and his siblings were 6, not yet tall enough for many things. But soon they all will be in a eye blink and kazuda wasn't sure about that. The boy shoved the data pad in to his bag, leaving it open as he put it over his shoulders. 

"Enyo my darling duck, let me fix this." Kazuda said buttoning the dark green smock for the boy.

"Daddy is it going to rain?" The boy asked watching the man stand.

"Well Kayla said it was." Kazuda said grabbing a lunch bag and putting it away into the school.

"Can I take my umbrella?" Enyo asked as his father zipped his bag.

"I don't see why not." Kazuda said, hearing two more sets of feet coming down the hall.

Kenji and Nina where like always competing for something. Those two always playing a games and every thing was a race. Kazuda who was an only child didn't understand why siblings needed the feeling of winning. Yeager said siblings were like that and it was healthy in moderation. Kazuda just as he scolded the two for running in the house as Aiko came into the kitchen, Kazuda checked the time again and grabbed each lunch bag. He placed each in there bags before zipping them up. Then he rushed them down the stairs and he followed them. At the base of the stairs was two doors, one door lead to the shop and the other lead to the back yard, so yes They took the back yard door and rushed to the gate. Then they waited.

"Daddy did we miss them?" Asked Aiko.

"No, we're on time." Kazuda said looking down the street.

In all honesty the school line, ran by the parents to make sure the kids got to school safely and it was mostly voluntary. As much as Kazuda enjoyed the program the reason Kazuda hadn't been "volunteered" was for one reason, and that reason was coming up the street and his name was Kev Khan. 

Oh Kev Khan, what a pretentious bastard.

The line came to a stop near the house, and Kazuda let his children run to the line. Nothing more then a simple rope with rings that only the younger children held on to. Luckily his children where in the 1st year so they held on to the rings. Kev who lead the line with his little demon being the line leader, let go and walked up to Kazuda who stud at the gate.

"Morning Mr. Vozo, how are you today." Kev said, looking at Kazuda in barely hidden judgment.

"As fine as I can be." Kazuda said, putting his hands in his robe pockets.

Yes, one of the reasons Kazuda hadn't been apart of the whole line thing was because Kev was the organizer of the first years. And partially because Kazuda wasn't a morning person and didn't bother getting dressed this early. So He was still wearing his robe and looked like a hot mess, not exactly the best roll model of elementary school children, also kev was a bastard who was an jerk to everyone, but he did care about his child so that was points, the problem was he only cared about his tiny demon.

"There's a meeting on the 15th of this month, it's in your mailbox." Kev said.

"Oh good, thank you for reminding me," Kazuda said, watching kev turning, like he did know, he wasn't going to check it.

He watched the line go up the street and he returns back to the house. He then cleans up, leaving the children's room to them, they made up there beds at least, but still a mess. Kazuda then gets dressed, just something comfortable and went to the pantry closet. Turning on the cleaning drone, which was the best gift Neeku has ever given to Kazuda. The droid cleaned away, bumping from Wall to wall as Kazuda made simple meat and cheese sandwiches, wrapping them and putting them on a tray. He also got extra grapes and other sliced fruit into little bags. Looking up at the chrono, but not really seeing the time. Kazuda ignored the feeling again and focused on his work.

Kazuda had learned how to do many things, cooking because if he didn't everyone and himself went hungry, cleaning because messes are terrible, laundry because nudity wasn't socially acceptable. He did all of this because he wanted to and because he kinda had to. He was aware that at one point in his life he wasn't expected to live this kind of life, but he did now.

After fixing at least enough for everyone to have two sandwiches, he carried the tray of food down the stairs, this time taking the shop door which lead to the brake room which was empty at the moment. Kazuda put everything into the cooler, he took a moment to see if there anything that needed to be cleaned or it they needed water. After assessing that it was fine for another few days, he entered the shop proper. Neeku was fixing a small thing, kinda like a toaster, while Kayla was verbally attacked by an older woman. Kazuda gave a her a quick wave and went over to Neeku.

"Lunch is in the cooler," Kazuda said, getting the man attention. 

Neeku looked up and nodded, Kazuda had Disturbed Neeku's focus, but the man can quickly get refocused.

"Thank you Kaz," Neeku said pulling out his wallet and giving Kaz the credit clip.

"See you soon, for our meeting," Kazuda said.

"Meeting?" neeku asked, then kazuda leaned over and whispered what he meant.

"Okay." Said Neeku with a smile and something Kazuda would call a blush.

The one thing Kazuda hadn't leaned and it was managing money. He was almost 35 and he didn't know how, he was an adult man with children and he was on allowance like a teenager. It didn't feel as embarrassing anymore, but he felt it from time to time. He only got the credit clip today was because it was shopping day. It was the only time he was aloud full access to there credits. He got his cart, a small thing that was used to carry his groceries. He could use the speeder, but honestly the walk was good for him, walking was the closest thing to exercise he got most days.

In the market he got groceries in cleaning products, normal that was that, but he quickly went to the man who took bets At the cantina, okay the town bookie. He placed two bets with his allowance credits on Tam, collecting his winnings from other races, before leaving. Kazuda might have a problem with gambling, but he never bet more then he had and only with his own money. And besides he only bet when he knew that they wore going to win and he had full faith that Tam was going to win. If not he was out 20 credits, if he won he was getting 20. All was fair.

Normally he would had home after that, but the kids needed new socks. He could have entered the supermarket, but he just didn't like them for some reason, instead he went to the market. There was an older woman who ran the only children's clothing stall, and see was a prickly pear if there ever was one. She seemed happy to see him, not the best thing. They happened to share the same bookie and that is all they shared.

"Well if it ain't the house husband, what graces you in my stall?" She said voice harsh form smoking for years.

"It's not to get pinkberries." Kazuda said.

"Shame, if I did I might not get to see you," She said, "so what your brats need today?"

"Socks." He said.

"Right here, perfect for your brats little feet." She said Picking up a large pack of socks.

"Thank you." Kazuda said holding out his credit clip.

"Oh he actually gave you his card today, he's not the smartest man in the port letting you loose with his money." She said taking the card.

He didn't like the woman, but she was a necessary evil. If a necessary evil was a biter woman who ran a children's clothing stand. Then yes, she was. He just put the socks on his hover basket, took back the card. The woman called him something else but she quickly moved to the next person. Kazuda didn't like the woman, but she needed her, it was the only place he knew that sold the underwear his kids liked. Supermarkets didn't historically worked well on outer rim worlds, normally not going further then the mid-rim, but they wore getting more common. It was convenient, having everything many people needed. He just didn't like them, even before stopping he didn't like them. They probably sold cheaper socks, but the woman sold them for the locals. She did her job well enough.

In all honesty form the deepest part of Kazuda's heart, fuck that woman.

Kazuda went home, he put everything away, the drone was in its docking spot. He would give the card back when there happened. So he would wash the socks to get the chemical off and watch some halo dramas until then.

"Kazuda?" Neeku said waking him up.

Kazuda didn't know he fell asleep, he didn't dream anymore, so he sat up from the couch and rubbed his eyes.

"What time is it?" Kazuda asked while yawning.

"1445 hours in the afternoon," Neeku said, "we can wait until next time and we have mail."

"We have time." Kazuda said taking Neeku's hand ignoring the mail comment.

"Are you sure?" Neeku asked while Kazuda lead him to there bed room.

"Yep." Kazuda said.

They entered there room and locked the door for extra measure. Look, being parents to 4 first year children in school, while running a business, they haven't had a proper date in years. So when they meant meeting they meant sex, so yeah they had to put in on there datebook as such. So a meeting meant a sex date, but as the had kids and business to run, it was just put as "meeting". Kayla knew what it meant, and that was fine as long as the kids didn't that was fine. They honestly get her a bigger life day bonus.

So after several moments of Kaz laying back and Neeku riding, it was a quickie, kids where coming home soon so nothing more.

Neeku looked down at Kazuda with a smile on his face, the two where breathing heavily. Kazuda just watched as Neeku gracefully slip off him and lay down at his side. Kazuda put his arm around Neeku waist and kissed the man's shoulder. Neeku rolled over and kissed his husband on the lips. They both wanted to stay that way, but they both had responsibilities. Neeku just grabbed some tissues and wiped the mess in between his legs as gathered there clothing. They had thrown everything into the junk chair and got dressed quickly. They kissed one more time at the stairs, Kazuda gave Neeku the credit clip,and went back to there separate life's. Kazuda had went back to the living room to turn off the halo, it started raining.

"The old bat was right." He thought out loud.

Kazuda finally went to do something he had been avoiding all day. He got his data pad and download the mail, it finally stopped blinking. He went over to the table and looked over the mail. Yep it was mostly junk, he saw the school meeting reminder, and he saw it. It was from Briza 4 and had a penal mark. He looked up at the ceiling, he had been mostly deleting them, pretending that they don't exist, it was easy when the problem didn't show up at his door. Kazuda just felt angry at first now he was tired. He knew he could ignore the problem for the rest of his life, it wasn't like it was going to show up at his door. But he didn't want to anymore, he wasn't as angry anymore, he had to just learn to live with it. He just wanted to move on with his life, but it was hard. So he did was he thought was right. He opened it and began reading.

_Briza 4- Almog penal colony_

_Prisoner: T-4021609-Xiono Hamato_

_Dear Kazuda_

_I know that you are not reading my letters, but I haven't given up hope that one day you will replay. I wish that one day that I will get to meet my grandchildren before I die. The holiday letters tell me so little about there lives and so little of yours. It's like I'm forgetting that you exist outside my memories._

_Are you happy my son?_

_Do you still like Rouge chocolates?_

_There is so much I don't know about you._

_I miss you Kazuda, one day I want you to see you again even if just a letter telling me to stop sending you letters._

_I love you_

"Daddy are you okay?" Asked Aiko.

Kazuda looked down and felt the tears, he didn't he had been crying. He wiped his tears and looked at his child. She was wet from the rain, but she looked up scard that she had seen her father crying.

"I'm fine my little duck." Kazuda said forcing a smile, "where are your other siblings?"

"Under Enyo's umbrella." Aiko said mispronouncing umbrella as unbella.

Kazuda let out a little laughed and stud up, he then heard his children run up the stairs. Nina had won this time and one of her sleeves was wet. She was followed by Kenji who's other side of his sleeve was wet. Then Enyo entered completely dry. He saw all his children and was amused. Aiko had ran in the pouring rain to get into the house, Enyo who had the only umbrella had shared with his siblings,Kazuda wished had had seen it, walking more carefully then Aiko to stay dry. the girl was the wild card of the four, you wont know what she will do, that meant they had to watch her more honestly. 

"Alright my ducks go get changed into something dry so you can do your homework." Kazuda said.

"But daddy I'm dry." Enyo said walking past Kazuda.

"I know little duck, but daddy has to wash your school smock." He Kazuda said.

After a moment the kids where at the table doing there school work as Kazuda stud in the bath/laundry room. He was rewashing the socks, as they didn't have the chemical on them anymore but now needed to be really clean. He washed them with all the kids clothing from today. His thoughts where still on the letter his father had sent him, despite everything his father had done he still loved him. Even if the feeling of accepting it burned his heart, he knew that he had missed his father, the man that had raised him. Kazuda was throwing in the washing soap when he felt tiny arms wrap around his waist. Kazuda looked down to see Enyo hugging him, following by his three other children. Aiko must have told them that she had seen him crying. Kazuda rubbed the top of there heads and shushed them.

"Daddy is fine." Kazuda said, hoping that he sounded convincing.

After convincing his children that he was fine and sending them back to homework. He was able to go finish up laundry and get dinner started. Tonight was a simple thing of a protein, greens and a grain. Kazuda made sure his protein was fully cooked, while he under cooked his husband's and children's as they liker it that way. Nikto where omnivores, but they could eat raw and live meat if thay wanted to. Humans where also omnivorous, but could only eat some foods raw and very few live. He left the food on warm to check his children, who where now in there room playing. Or was supposed to, Enyo was in a corner of the living room playing quietly with his toys. Kazuda wouldn't lie and saw he wasn't worried about him. Enyo had always been the odd one out, he liked being alone and by himself. But he was safe so he left Enyo to check on his other children who where at the moment having a war. Kazuda had to stop that and made them clean up or no dessert.

After dinner, when the shop closed Neeku rejoined his family. They all sat around in the living room, there children mostly sleep in there various spots. Kenji and Nina asleep on the floor there heads on cushions, Enyo asleep in Kazuda's lap. Aiko was the only kids up, watching what her parents where watching. It was Neeku who turned it off.

"Bed time." Neeku said.

Aiko slipped out of the chair and shook her siblings on the floor. They both groaned and looked up at her as she repeated what Neeku had said. Kazuda just smiled and carried Enyo to his bed, not waking up as he tucked the boy into his bed. What a shame to, it was Neeku's turn to read the kids a bed time story. Kazuda would watch but he had to get there smocks for tomorrow. 

I wasn't until later when Neeku came into bed that Kazuda even said anything about the mail.

"I want the kids to meet my dad." Kazuda said looking up at the ceiling.

"What?" Neeku asked.

"My dad has been writing me letters for years, I finally opened one, and I want to talk to him again." Kazuda said.

Neeku slipped into bed next to his husband and looked at the man with his head propped up. Kazuda looked over at him.

"Are you ready too, it was me who has been sending the holiday cards to him," Neeku said.

"I know, it's just I'm tired of being angry Neeku, I want to move on." Kazuda said.

"Want me to be there when you write him?" Neeku asked.

"I would like that." Kazuda said.

They talked a little bit more before going to bed. Kazuda reset his alarm for the tomorrow and rolled over with Neeku's arm his waist. Kazuda just sighed and tried to sleep, but his rushing mind kept him awake for a few hours longer then he would like. But he eventually he did and like for the last 15 years he didn't have any dreams. Falling into the nothingness of the sleep and it was comforting. It was like that until his alarm went off again and he started his day again.

the next day, durning neeku's lunch, the man came up and sat with him as Kaz typed and ate. After a while he was done and Kazuda just looked down at the data pad, the letter was typed out and ready to be sent, he held Neeku's hand giving it a gentle squeeze. For something as mundane as letter writing it felt like swallowing hot glass. He was really doing this? Kazuda didn't know, he just wanted it to be over but he couldn't send it. No he just held it and looked down at it.

"It's okay kaz," Neeku said, "it's just a bunch of words, nothing more."

"Yeah it is," Kazuda sighed.

It was just words on a screen, nothing more, he had to do this. He pressed send and it felt like the galaxy left his shoulders. His letter was out and he had to live with that.

 _"Just don't let me regret this."_ Kazuda thought.

Each morning he would stand on the dormitory porch and look out at the sunrise, it was rather beautiful sight and the few things he enjoyed. the penal colony was in a Caldera on an island called Almog. The shell of the caldera had only one opening to the greater sea beyond, and each morning the sun would rise before morning exercise and chores, he over looked the forming lines, assigned by bunk order and bed placement. He got into his line, and once roll was counted by the guards, They started exercising, keeping a good space between them as they all fallowed the guard who lead such things. After going back into there dorm and did chores, Hamato got his clipboard and gave out days assignments. Then they went to breakfast and ate before starting there assignments.

The other prisoners often accused dorm leaders of assigning themselves to easy work, Hamato gave himself farm work to prove that he wasn't like that. As this was a self sustaining penal colony, they grew there own food. Well not totally, like they would let them starve to death, they got rations. But rations tasted like shit and there vegtibles, beans, and herbs, kept them from eating them. It was hard work for a man like himself, an old family of means and he worked nothing outside of paperwork. So when he first arrived blisters were his friends, now he has calluses from his work. At noon the lunch bell rang and everyone returned to the lunch hall. Unlike morning everyone was free to do what they wanted in the hall and he was no different. He and his friends, if you wear to call them that, more like lunch time acquaintances, sat around a chessboard. Today the match was Hektor Sunblack and Grace Quinn.

Hektor Sunblack, or Hektor Sunblack the 5th of Sunblack corporation, former CEO and owner of his Families company. He was here for embezzlement, conspiracy, and public intoxication, he got 80 years and if he's good out in 40. The man had lived a hard partying lifestyle of showing off and running his Family's hard worked and earned company into the ground. The man loved the rare spice a bit to much. His only functioning, his words, daughter was, "repairing the good sunblack name." His other daughter, the fun one, also his own words, would visit him and bring his beloved pet named Mixie-pie.

Grace Quinn was a card playing con-person, there was also the chance that Grace Quinn wasn't her real name, but none-the less she pissed off the wrong people and stolen an elderly princess's jewels. Quinn had said she had wan then fair in square in Noddy, but the princess's care takers had accused her of stealing them from a vulnerable elder who didn't know what year it was. She had the lightest sentence of 35 years along with restitution. Her friend, sister, wife, or partner came to visit, it was hard to decipher their relationship as Grace wasn't honest with them about it.

Then there was Ko, he killed a guy. That was it on his backstory, there wasn't a reason for his to sit with them either. He was quiet and kept to himself, best chess player of them all, he had a life sentence like Hamato and His family came to visit him every visiting day.

Hamato enjoyed there company enough, it was all mutual. Hamato remembers there little details, like families, he missed his a lot. Mostly his son, who was now writing to him personal letters. not the pre-made holiday or birthday kind of letters that wished him well with names on the bottom, but personal ones that talked about his day. The first one was a surprise, now every mail day Hamato waited eagerly for his letters.

After lunch they all returned to work for 2 hours before being released, Hamato didn't like personal time. He liked working and getting away from deep thinking. He tried picking up a hobby, he often quit them after a set amount of time. The only thing he even tried and stuck with was prison government. It wasn't like galactic government, it was a lot closer to a schools student government. They basically represented the prisoners interest to the prison staff and they conveyed information and policy from staff to prisoners through prisoner voice. As they where a colony, not a proper prison they got more freedom then most. Being in prison government, even if it's limited in its power, made Hamato feel some what normal. The government was divided up by dormitory, and there where 5 dorms, each with a president, VP, and consular, and in order to make things simple, there was a head of there government, a prisoner president, they represented the government and prisoners as a whole to staff. And Like always they had there meetings in the lunch hall.

"They want us to make the work schedules with fishing from crafts again." Said the president.

"Didn't they want us to stop after they guy tried to escape." Said another.

"Three years ago, when some kid toucher tried to take a guard hostage, they sank the boat, sadly the guy could swim but it took a few hours to get him out." Said Hamato, who has been here a few years.

"Why?" Asked a new guy.

"We kept pushing him back in." Said Hamato

It was because of that guy they didn't have fish for several months, what fish they did get afterwards was brought in, it was terrible honestly. They had fish right there, but because of that guy they couldn't have it. He was just terrible man all together, so pushing the guy into the lagoon made them feel better. And yes, it took hours to get the guy out because they wore pushing him back in, the guards watched on. They only stepped in when they almost killed him, luckily for him he was transferred out. But before he left he was beaten, Hamato knew that because he was there and thrown a few hits of his own. The weren't punished as no one stepped forward and the guy calmed he fell.

At quiet hour, Hamato sat on his bunk reading his letters form his son Kazuda. He was so happy that his son was talking to him again, and he was going to meet his grandchildren soon. That was the best news he had in years. He looked at his tiny shelf, once adorned with only his family photo of 14 year old Kazuda along with him and his ex-wife, Now adorned with pictures of his grandchildren form several life days and something called name days. He even had a picture from Kazuda's wedding. It wasn't the life he imagined for his son. The boy was supposed to go into politics and become a senator, marry someone form a respectable old family and have kids. Kazuda becoming a stay at home father of four kids wasn't what he had in mind. But Kazuda was happy and that was enough for him.

A few month after several years later....

One day after school, Kazuda told the kids that they were going to Briza 4 for Festival of stars. This made the kids excited, because they were going somewhere new this year. Because they mostly went to Teien and stayed with grandma and granny and go to Kintan for a few days to meet with nanna, grampy, all the aunts uncles, and Mammy. What every forces kept that woman alive for so long was a mystery to everyone. They called them all and promised them a week between each of the summer holidays that started after the week of stars. Kayla was getting an extra bonus. Kazuda had to explain why they were going to Briza system instead this year. They where all in the living room sitting on the floor.

"Do you know what a prison is?" Kazuda asked his children.

"It's where bad people who broke the law, away from everyone so they can become better people." Kenji said.

"They also keep killers there forever." Nina said.

Aways a competition.

"Yes," Kazuda siad, "we are going to one."

"Did we do something wrong?" Asked Aiko, scared, trying to figure out what they did.

"No, we didn't do anything wrong Aiko." Kazuda said, trying to stop any hysteria that might happen, "You see my daddy broke the law and it hurt a lot of people, so he went to prison."

"Your daddy is a criminal?" Asked Enyo.

"Yes Enyo, my daddy is a criminal." Kazuda said.

"Why are we going to see him?" Asked Kenji.

"Because I want you to meet him," Kazuda said.

"Will he hurt us?" Enyo asked.

"There are cops Enyo, they won't let him." Said Nina.

"He won't hurt you, he doesn't want to." Kazuda said.

Kazuda looked over his children to see if thay had anymore fears. There once excitement was gone, replaced with fear and worry. There talk had the oppisite affect of what he wanted. Kazuda didn't want to scare his children about there grandfather, but he wasn't going to lie either, he promised that much to them.

"Did he mean to do it?" Kenji asked.

"Do what Kenji?" Kazuda asked.

"Hurt people." Kenji said.

"No Kenji, he didn't." Kazuda said, breaking his own promise to his children.

Hamato did if fact mean to hurt people, he probably didn't mean to help with a genocide. 

"Sometimes people do things that they think is right for the wrong reason," Kazuda said, "What my daddy did wasn't right and he knows that."

"I don't want to go." Said Enyo crossing his arms

"Why?" Asked Kazuda concerned.

"He's a criminal, and in prison, he is a bad person." Enyo explained.

"I was a criminal once," Kazuda said and all his children looked at him like he had grown three heads, Kazuda laughed and looked at them, "I was a spy and a pilot for the resistance, that was against the law."

"But you did a good thing." Said Nina.

"It was, but the first order didn't think so, so I was a criminal." Kazuda said.

"Its not the same." Enyo argued, "your my daddy and your good."

"He's my daddy and I think he is good." Kazuda said.

This made his children confused, not what he wanted. Kazuda sighed and held out his arms for his children to climb into, they did, Kazuda wouldn't admit that they where starting to get to big for it. It was for the five of them.

"Just meet him for me, if you don't like him I won't make you talk to him anymore." Kazuda asked them.

"Okay," they all replied.

Kazuda and his children stayed that way for a while. It was nice, they where so small and needed him for almost everything. But they were starting to get bigger and needed him less. He wanted them to stay small so he could take care for them forever, but he also wanted them to get bigger so they could be adults with there own families. But for now he was there daddy and they needed him.

It wasn't until the next few days when at kenji's and Aiko's kicker-ball game that Kev came up to him. Being around that man made Kazuda annoyed. It doesn't help that the man had that smart ass smile that told Kazuda that he knew something.

"I heard a rumor going around with the children and I just to clean that air." Kev said.

"Really, what kind of rumor." Kazuda said with a fake smile.

"Oh yes, I heard form the kids that your father was a killer and In jail," kev said.

That was it, kid talk and he didn't exactly tell them not to. Kev being the self important bastard he was just wanted to know if it was worse or better then what he had heard.

"Well i'm not going to lie to you Kev," Kazuda said and decided to tell the truth, "my father was a wealthy Senator who conspired with the first order and gave them some Finance and influence so they could take over the galaxy. So when we won they arrested him for changed him for being a traitor and he barely escaped the death penalty. So for the last 14 years he's being one a penal colony in the colonies."

For a long moment Kev didn't say anything, processing the information, before the man broke out in a laughing fit. It took Kazuda a moment to realize that he thought it was a joke.

"Force Mr. Vozo you could have just said no," Kev said, patting Kaz on the back, "but thanks for the laugh, that was the funniest thing I heard in a long time."

"Yep, I'm just full of jokes." Kazuda said.

"You, the child of a wealthy senator, what next, you where a spy for the resistance?" Kev joked.

"One joke at a time, Kev," Kazuda said.

The man simply nodded and left Kazuda alone. So what the man didn't believe him, it wasn't Kazuda's job to explain himself, but he made a mental note to explain to his children what was a private convention and what you can say to people. But at the moment Kev was going around telling the other parents that the rumor was a joke of some kind or something, or maybe Kev would use it against Kazuda for some bias bull shit the man did to undermine the other parents with is superiority.

What ever it it Kazuda didn't care and when 

Week of stars.

Hamato was nervous, this coming from a man who had a career of public speaking. the little shells he had collected felt heavy in his pocket, just hoping that his grandchildren liked them. He wasn't a skilled crafts person, he was a speaker and speech writer kinda skill set. Also back when he had access to his wealth, he would just buy what ever they wanted, but now he was a prisoner without any kind of money. It had taken him hours to find pretty shells on the beach, well the ones that where acceptable. He was afraid that they might not like him, children where like that.

He and the other prisoners sat in the meeting area, which was nothing more then a fenced in little patio area with round metal picnic tables painted yellow. There families had to go through security and check points. He just hoped that his family did come see him after all. After what felt like forever the doors opened and families started to come in. Hamato sat looking and waiting to see his son and his family come thru the door. When he saw him he stood straight up and looked at the man before him.

He had grown his hair out covering that scar and had some weights on him, he had pictures of him but it didn't do the man justice. Kazuda looked healthy despite the bags under his eyes. Kazuda walked up to him, no doubt just as surprised at how he looked. Hamato had gotten some muscle from his work around the colony and his hair has gone completely grey with stress and age, but the man was now starting to hunch over form age as well, so Hamato no longer looked like the proud senator that he had once been, now he was old man working himself to death. Kazuda just looked at his father for a moment, they awkwardly looked at each other, not sure what to do. They hadn't hugged in years, not since the boy was a young teenager. So Kazuda seemed to compromise something, holding out his hand.

"It's nice to see you father, you look well." Kazuda said.

"So do you Kazuda." Hamato said taking the man's hand.

They shook hands and then Kazuda looked over to his family, Neeku was standing there doing his nervous, gripping his clothing with one hand and touching the top one of his children's heads, trying to give then comfort as he tried to do himself, to be fair they where around some of the worst kind of people in the galaxy so that would make anyone nervous. kids all huddled around there other father trying to stay close to something that they knew was good, and as far away form the strange man in a blue and gray jumpsuit.

"Kids, this is my father, you can call him grandpa." Kazuda said.

"Hello," Hamato said trying to place a name with face, "it's Nina, Enyo, Kenji, and Aiko right."

Nina and Kenji the bravest of the four stepped away from Neeku, getting closer to there mysterious grandfather. Kazuda could see that they where nervous about It, but they where stubborn and wouldn't admit to it now.

"I'm Nina and this is Kenji," Nina said while pointing at her brother who just nodded.

"Nice to meet you two." Hamato said smiling.

Aiko who saw that it was safe, or that she was curious about the man, stepped away from Neeku and walked over to the man and her siblings. She stayed just behind her siblings. Then she got braver and stepped between her siblings, keeping herself safe and protected.

"Hi, I'm Aiko." Said Aiko

"Hello." Hamato said.

Everyone looked to Enyo who just dug into Neeku's side like a third limp. Neeku just patted the top of the boys head. Enyo was nervous and shy, he didn't want to be here. honestly.

"Come here Enyo, meet your grandpa." Kazuda said.

Enyo looked up at Neeku for a moment, then he let go of his other father and ran to Kazuda, smashing into his father. Kazuda let out a grunt as Enyo formed into the man's body.

"I'm Enyo!" Enyo yelled into Kazuda's back, it was muffled.

"He's shy." Kazuda told his father.

"That's fine." Hamato said.

"And you've meet Neeku, my husband." Kazuda said when Neeku came up.

"Yes, nice to meet you again." 

"Likewise." Neeku said.

They all went over to the table, Enyo didn't want to let go of Kazuda to sit down, so Kazuda simply nudged the boy so he could hold him in his lap. The boy barried his face into Kazuda's neck and clung to his father for his life. The other kids seemed to have similar thoughts and tried to sit as close as possible to Kazuda and Neeku as possible, even if it wasn't comfortable, just sat as far as they could form the strange man. Hamato didn't take it personally or didn't show it. Form his pocket he layed out the pretty shells that took him hours to find and speculate.

"These are for the kids." Hamato said.

The kids seem to creep closer and inspect there gifts. Aiko was the first to grab one, a pink thing with purplely-blue spots. She inspected it and flipped it in her hands.

"It's pretty," She said, then remembered she had to be polite, "thank you." 

Hamato just smiled as the other two children grabbed there own shells, saying there own thank yous to the man even before they could see what they grabbed. Only one was left for Enyo, but the boy just stayed latched to his father not daring to let go. It was left alone, Kazuda and Neeku had taught there children not to take what wasn't there's to take. 

"So what year are you all in?" Hamato asked.

"First year." Kenji said.

Hamato tried to talk to his grandchildren, they gave him short but polite answers. Not explaining more unless asked too. Hamato didn't force the, it was Kazuda who asked them to explain. Hamato asked each of his grandchildren questions, it was Enyo who just didn't say anything, Kazuda and Neeku just spoke for him. The conversation moved form school, to friends, to what they wanted to be when they grew up, back to school.

"When Kazuda, your daddy, was your age he didn't go to school." Hamato said.

"What?" Aiko said before turning to Kazuda, "You didn't go to school?"

"No I was homeschooled, I told you all this before." Kazuda said.

"I thought it was like papa's school," Kenji said.

Neeku had been taught in his uncle house by his uncles, so homeschool, meant school in a home. Not schooled at home.

"No, I was taught at home by teachers who came to my house." Said Kazuda.

"Why?" Asked Enyo, who came out of Kazuda's neck.

"It's because of my job..." Hamato started to explain.

Enyo went back into hiding at the sound of the man's voice. Somehow clinging tighter to Kazuda. Kazuda just wrapped his arms from the lose hold to a tight one. Hamato did take that personally, he wanted to meet his grandchildren, but he didn't think they might not want to meet him, he wasn't in there life's like there other grandchildren. Hamato didn't blame Kazuda or Neeku for it, it was his own fault that he wasn't in there life. He took the shell that Enyo didn't take and handed it Kazuda.

"For Enyo," Hamato said standing up to leave.

"Father," Kazuda said and sighed, before switch languages, "stop dad, they are just kids and scared alright."

Enyo didn't speak hosnian, it was a tricky language for him, but he felt like it was his fault. That guy was his daddy's daddy and I wasn't right that the man was leaving. In his mind he knew that his father wouldn't let someone meet them if it wasn't important.

"Stay grandpa!" Enyo said sitting up.

This surprised everyone, Up to this point none of the kids called Hamato grandpa. Hamato just returned to his spot and sat down. Enyo wiggled his way out of Kazuda's hold, it was a bit awkward, and he ran around to Hamato side and sat next to this man. The boy was a shy nervous thing, so him doing this was brave. And the two began talking between the two, having a real conversation. Because of this the other children slowly crept their way to them. And soon all the children where talking with there grandfather.

Kazuda and Neeku were left alone on there side of the table, this was more then anything Kazuda could have hoped for. Neeku leaned over to Kazuda, so the two could whisper.

"This is what you wanted right?" Neeku asked.

"Honestly I wasn't sure." Kazuda said.

Neeku just nodded and looked up at his children, watching them, concern on his face Kazuda also watched one to be honest he wasn't sure what he wanted from this. He didn't know how the kids where going to react to this. Kazuda was only doing this for his own father, honoring the man at lest one more time. He was glad that he was talking to the man agian through massages, but see the man face to face Kazuda felt that anger he thought he had forgotten. The more Kazuda sat there he realized he was still angry, but his anger wasn't the boiling over kind that he barely kept in check as a younger man, now it was the bitter cold kind.

The difference between boiling anger and cold anger, is boiling anger was hot and can be burned away if released proper way, cold anger was frozen and stuck. Cold anger was apart of the person, it was hot anger that never got released, instead it stayed and became attached, becoming stuck inside. It was harder to let go of cold anger, it was apart of that person, it took years of work to let if go and that was an if. Digging cold anger often burned other feelings and memories. but cold anger shouldn't be left alone and ignored, it had a tendency of rotting the inside, like a bad tooth. 

Kazuda was angry, but he didn't hate his father, but the feeling was bigger then disappointment, and it ran deeper then then Hosnian. The man betrayed so much, his morals, his world, and even his family. 

So Kazuda did what he shouldn't have done, he pushed the emotions away, burying them along with his cold rotting anger. He smiled and looked at his father and children.

"Its really nice to see father." Kazuda said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end?
> 
> Thatsn0m00n came up with the kids, they named Nina, I named the rest.
> 
> I don't why I made Kazuda a stay at home dad, but it's the only thing I can see him doing outside racing. He wants to be there for his children and be more in there life's then his own father ever was. And he is finally coming around to forgiving his father, even if he isn't sure about it. It's just Kazuda is a forgiving type, but sometimes people don't deserve it, but you have to let it go, don't forget what happened just let it go and move on.
> 
> side note, tam is married to synara and she is an up and coming pro-racer.
> 
> As for Neeku he is happy doing what he loves and he has 4 kids and a husband waiting for him at home each day.
> 
> As for Hamato he is kinda of a dick but he is a better person now.
> 
> Please tell me what you think, I take constructive criticism and compliments.


End file.
